In the Dark
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Rating: 3.9/5 (3 votes cast)

In the Dark

Bullied and drugged by a happy-go-lucky tart, a downtrodden bookkeeper unwittingly participates in her murder and falls prey to a psychopath on a killing spree.

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  1. Profile photo of craighorst
    craighorst says
    February 1, 2014, 2:15 pm
    Overall
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    Character
    Dialogue
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    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    First, let me say that this is clearly not the product of a novice. I read it in a single sitting and found it compelling.
    The opening exposition of characters was handled smoothly. Differentiation of characters seems well handled from the outset.
    Heavy use of British slang proved difficult for me.
    Dialog flows naturally.
    By page nine I suspect that too many characters have been introduced too quickly which could be confusing on the screen.
    The story moves at a good pace and suspense is maintained throughout.
    Descriptions of action are concise and dialogs are crisp and brief.
    Great use of visual images.
    I like the use of intercuts and the simplicity with which changes of location are handled .
    Easy to follow transitions in and out of nightmare sequences
    Lack of proper grammar in descriptions seems deliberate and propels action forward.
    It was somewhat difficult to follow the reality of the situation with all the hallucinations, numerous crimes, and hidden identities. In the end, it was not clear to me if Matthew had committed more than a single crime.
    The final court scene and sunny vacaton (at least for me), were a too sudden return to the world of sanity and orderliness. Fine job overall.
    His suspended sentence and going on a sunny vacation seemed somewhat out of step with the character of the rest of the story.

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    rmhplays says
    November 7, 2013, 3:58 pm
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    A fine start to an interesting, suspenseful thriller. Feel it has a strong story spine in place, but I’d like to see more depth and wit (cerebral side) to the characters and less counting on the gruesome imagery, which tends to become part of a greater clich√© for this style of film.

    Had no problem visualizing scenes (that’s the director and art director’s job), though I feel the story could benefit from a more precise sense of place, i.e. specific locations in England. The way locations in and around Oxford often become their own character in the old “Morse” Series.

    Also, small point: I found the absence of identifying pronouns in the action descriptions a bit confusing — I was not always sure who or what you were describing. And the characters’ diction (word choices) were wonderfully colorful, but at the same time a bit too consistent and sounding the same.

    But this is a great start and with some honing to make it a bit more clever and distinctive, it could be a very commercial piece. Good job!

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  3. November 5, 2013, 3:58 pm
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    This was a nice thriller. You imedately realize that you are in England by the grammar that is used. This would be something that you would watch on BBC America right after “Luther”. But the screenplay itself read more like an outline. Specifically made for shooting the movie. I had to work on visualizing what the scene looked like. Overall, great story.

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