Her New Girlfriend More Images
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Her New Girlfriend

An aspiring comedian tries winning “The Prestigious Prank Contest” by getting a sex change operation and tricking his ex into believing she’s dating a female. (Updated March 20, 2013)
Logline Of The Month: February 2013

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  1. Profile photo of vp81955
    vp81955 says
    April 21, 2016, 7:03 pm
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    A full MTF sex-change operation is simply too drastic for anyone to take it seriously. However, if the male limited it to taking hormones without eliminating his equipment (such folks are called “non-ops,” and many do exist), it might work.

    Perhaps his manhood can’t medically function for some reason, so feminizing won’t bother him, and he plans to have surgeons eliminate his feminized appearance. Then he discovers to his surprise he actually likes filling out a bra, wearing pantyhose, etc

    Make it a bit less extreme, and this has possibilities..

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  2. Profile photo of Pasquali
    Pasquali says
    July 15, 2015, 6:11 pm
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    This has potential if you take advantage of the transgender stuff going on. However, I don’t see where a guy would actually have a sex change operation as a prank. He might dress like a woman (as in Tootsie), but going all the way to have the operation sounds far-fetched. I’d work with this a bit to make it seem more realistic, even for a broad comedy.

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  3. Novelist56 says
    April 3, 2015, 1:04 pm
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    What does he win if he wins the contest? His ex-wife? Why did they split in the first place? Because she wanted a woman? Did we want to really become a woman? Why?

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  4. Profile photo of clafleur
    clafleur says
    October 4, 2014, 9:08 pm
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    I think it’s a little over the top. For someone to get a sex change for a contest. I don’t know.

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  5. September 8, 2014, 3:35 pm
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    No offense, but I personally think it is unfathomable. That is an extreme measure for a prank.

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  6. Chidi says
    September 7, 2014, 10:37 pm
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    I would disagree with some posts here. There is certainly a reason why somebody would go through a sex-change operation to win a competition.

    A character has done it before just to get a job — Tootsie.

    But what the logline needs is to tell us why the competition is so damn important.

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    • frankvespe says
      October 27, 2014, 12:44 pm

      Tootsie only dressed as Tootsie; BIG difference between putting on a dress ad make-up then going under the knife..

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  7. Ecila says
    September 7, 2014, 5:56 pm
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    I honestly think opinions would vary among your audience.

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  8. Profile photo of Raffiki
    Raffiki says
    September 6, 2014, 6:42 pm

    The notion of the sex change operation as a prank is a pass for me.

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  9. Profile photo of MoviemakerEli
    September 6, 2014, 2:14 pm
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    On premise alone, this is a pass for our company. Far too many social matters here.

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  10. Vapit says
    September 6, 2014, 11:32 am
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    I’tl be interesting but too far off balance.
    There’s no way somebody would go through a sex-change operation to win a competition.
    Going through all that trouble isn’t worth it.

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  11. Profile photo of leeoconnor
    leeoconnor says
    September 6, 2014, 6:35 am
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    I had to read this twice. I would re-write this and simplify it. As for the idea of this story, it’s out there, it could be really funny if taken on by the right person.

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  12. Profile photo of Filmstar22
    Filmstar22 says
    September 4, 2014, 9:46 pm
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    A sex change operation just to make a joke doesn’t appear to have much value. I would re-write but first, re-think.

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  13. Profile photo of MovieBuffie
    September 2, 2014, 12:14 pm
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    I would guess this could be very funny but it has serious social and moral implications.

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  14. Profile photo of LesaSmalls
    LesaSmalls says
    August 29, 2014, 2:21 pm
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    I think it would make for a funny movie or sitcom.

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  15. TGVSpeed says
    August 18, 2014, 9:53 pm
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    Sounds like a great TV series in the making. I would love to read the script.

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  16. Profile photo of hhusted
    hhusted says
    August 1, 2014, 2:05 pm
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    I love it. Great for a movie or a TV series. Good job.

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  17. Profile photo of rewrite
    rewrite says
    August 19, 2013, 1:12 pm
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    I will want you to go through what frankevespe write about your work.

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  18. belw says
    July 11, 2013, 9:06 am
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    Yes, I like it also

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  19. frankvespe says
    July 4, 2013, 11:23 am
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    Nothing beats being with a woman, nothing: The embrace, the closeness, the moment. For someone to lose this miraculous experience for a slim chance to win a prank contest is ill conceived, ill thought-out, ILL, then only to have a platonic, non-romantic connection with a previous girlfriend, is absurd, unbelievable.
    Most surgeons require two letters of recommendation from mental health professionals, treatment for a year identifying the need to change genders, most likely NOT to win a prank contest, making it a serious and very expensive procedure, not a reason you might find in the Merck manual.. A struggling comedian’s salary could never cover the cost of this procedure.
    If Jack couldn’t attract fans with his wit, his jokes as a man, will he really be more comedic as a woman? Perhaps more depressed.
    If Jack wants to be a better comedian and save some heartache, he should take a comedy class at Governor’s in Levittown, NY. (All he need do is ask fellow comedians Andrew Dice Clay and Jerry Seinfeld about Governors.)

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  20. aweiss says
    June 27, 2013, 11:06 pm
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    Tootsie anyone? But there hasn’t been a Tootsie like film for awhile, so this might work. Or just make it a lesbian flick, with twists, this might work too.

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  21. darney says
    June 24, 2013, 3:32 am
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    A logline that ticks all the boxes. You would need to treat this topic quite sensitively though, as those who have experienced this might not see the comedy side. Well done, a very good story potential.

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  22. May 29, 2013, 6:30 pm
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    that’s pretty warped – I love things that go way too far – but you’d have to go to a dark place with it and not turn it into one of those brain-dead sit-com movies

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  23. Profile photo of peersterk
    peersterk says
    May 29, 2013, 2:38 pm
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    sounds funny.

    good luck!

    peter

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  24. Profile photo of derekauthor
    May 3, 2013, 4:54 pm
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    As far as loglines go, this is one of the best I’ve read on this site (so far — and not including my own)! This will be a fun, hilarious ride if executed right. Great job, Ron! Best of luck!

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  25. admin says
    May 1, 2013, 7:36 pm

    WENDY KRAM:

    You have a big hook, however, my primary comments pertain to making sure that the idea is clear. On first glance, it seems like it makes sense, but the sentence presents a little bit of confusion. (see specific attached notes).

    While on the one hand I understand the reference to “Mrs. Doubtfire” and “Kissing Jessica Stein”, but also feel they could be misleading as one character pretended to be a different gender, and in the other, a character fell in love with someone of the same gender. In your scenario, undergoing an actual sex change is much more extreme and carries with it more edgy overtones. “Mrs. Doubtfire” was a light family comedy. What tone is your film? Is it a dark/edgy comedy? Is the hero motivated by love, revenge, or to pull off the greatest prank in order to further his career? If you can clarify some of these elements a bit further, I think it would improve your logline.

    You can feel free to email me a revision.

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  26. Profile photo of Dick-C.
    Dick-C. says
    April 30, 2013, 7:01 pm
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    Got a good laugh at this – Good luck with the story – cheers!

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  27. Profile photo of Ann-Taylor
    Ann-Taylor says
    April 29, 2013, 6:10 pm
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    Sounds awesome

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  28. reinaldo says
    April 29, 2013, 12:41 pm
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    If you don’t sink yourself with cliche gags this could be the best raunchfest ever

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  29. Profile photo of TrishDouggie
    April 25, 2013, 2:25 am
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    Very original!

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  30. Profile photo of seanery7
    seanery7 says
    April 21, 2013, 8:58 pm
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    This is gross, juvenile and offensive. I loved it!
    Could have a bit of “Tootsie” in it and maybe “Some Like It Hot” on crack. Alternative title: “Some Like It Not”!!
    Go for it.

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    • April 21, 2013, 9:02 pm

      lol thank you

      And yeah your comparisons of movies are probably more favorable and appropriate than the ones I selected..

      I just picked those because they were the first ones to come to mind lol

      Feel free to check out the synopsis for this… I posted it on the site not too long ago..

      Ron

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  31. Profile photo of ckmoak
    ckmoak says
    April 3, 2013, 9:04 pm
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    So, a little bit mrs. Doubtfire then? I like that your logline pulls me into wondering what happens in the story. It’s very engaging!

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  32. Westule says
    March 24, 2013, 3:16 pm
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    I can see the one liners now…

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  33. mikeyz says
    March 18, 2013, 3:20 pm

    My pleasure Ronald — let me know when your synopsis and script are posted!

    Best,

    Mike.

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  34. mikeyz says
    March 18, 2013, 12:22 pm

    Here is my take on your as of yet, unreleased synopsis Ronald:

    First off, I like the music industry aspect you’ve added which gives another interesting and compelling dimension to the storyline. Right away, I was reminded of the film “Be Cool.”
    My assumption is that Prince Hendrix is not too much unlike Mr. Purple Rain himself (who, by the way, was a huge Jimi Hendrix fan!) I’m thinking this is maybe where you got that name – which is awesome by the way!!

    To move on, I do have some questions and concerns:

    So Prince — with all his fear of these music company guys — decides to go ahead and get the sex change operation after all, at the music company’s original request. But the mob company, who he almost double-crossed after he almost mis-spent thier money, is still out to get him even though Prince eventually did what they wanted him to do in the beginning anyway. Is this correct? Why would they hunt him down if he’s now singing as Cocoa for them as they initially wanted?

    And later on, Roxie knows that Cocoa is really Prince right? How did she find out and is she still interested in Prince now that Prince is in fact Cocoa? If she is still interested – is it because he’s now a female or does she still have feelings for the guy based on thier past 10 year relationship? It seems as if the synopsis closes by saying that Cocoa really just wants to make Roxie happy which suggests he still has feelings for Roxie. But it ends by saying Cocoa “must confront all his problems …” so I’m a little confused. Are the problems related to Roxie and/or the mob record company?

    I hope I am interpreting everything correctly Ronald and please forgive me if I’m not but I believe you need to iron out some of these details before releasing this.

    My advice to you is stick to the basic characters and focus intensly on thier relationships cos the sex-change premise is extremely intriguing and funny in my opinion! Avoid veering the story off in different, un-related directions that may stray the reader because it’s a premise that can potentially have the effect of confusing (and hence turning off) the reader badly if not done smartly.

    When you finally do write your story, please let me have a read as I am soooo compelled by this off-the-wall premise!!

    Good luck to you Ronald!

    Mike.

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    • March 18, 2013, 1:25 pm

      Yep, he got the sex change operation just as Sugar Daddy wanted but, not because Sugar Daddy told him to, only to change is identity so he wouldn’t be noticed by the mob.

      So yeah, as the mob slowly pieces together the pieces, finally realizing that Prince is indeed Cocoa, a soon to be female singing sensation, its just a matter of Prince basically using Sugar Daddy. Sugar Daddy wants some of that fame, he has “no successful clients”.

      But overall the concept is happiness, what makes me happy.

      Prince is willing to go to great lengths all in vain efforts to get a record deal-which lands him in the big mess with Sugar Daddy and eventually with his ex Roxie. Ironically through their relationship she shows him what she couldn’t when they were together as a couple before.

      But yeah I can go on and on but I definitely appreciate your comments, I’ll have to clarify a few things in the synopsis I guess, or rather stick with just one story, rather than throwing in glimpses of the subplots in it.

      So I’m definitely going to rewrite the synopsis and let you check it out

      thanks Mike!

      Ron

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    • March 18, 2013, 1:32 pm

      Oh and you are 300% correct on Prince Hendrix name and the Be cool reference :)

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  35. March 17, 2013, 2:50 am
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    its alright

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  36. Profile photo of dejiannaalex
    March 12, 2013, 8:46 pm
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    The logline could be a bit tighter, otherwise, I like the logline. \Very interested,

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  37. Profile photo of Double-Bogey
    March 4, 2013, 10:41 pm
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    The premise is awesome, but the grammar is awkward – needs to be tightened up to get a reader past your pitch.

    I tinkered…..

    She’s finally found happiness in a relationship, though it happens to be with a girl, who used to be a boy, but not just any boy – her ex-boyfriend who secretly had sex reassignment surgery.

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    • March 4, 2013, 11:17 pm

      Your “tightened” version of my log line is longer, yet is saying the same thing as mine and nothing new.

      So I’m curious as to what makes your version tighter and less awkward.

      Thanks for the comment and your opinion,

      Ron

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      • Profile photo of Double-Bogey
        March 4, 2013, 11:28 pm

        I didn’t care for the following part:
        “who got a really good sex change operation.”

        I think it was the “got” and “really good” that sounded awkward, which is why I played with it. I also tried to condense it into one sentence, which I understand is more of an industry standard.

        Look forward to the story – it sounds hilarious.

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        • March 4, 2013, 11:36 pm

          Okay understandable.

          And yes, you did condense it to one long sentence but it is still at least 5 words longer than my log line. So that was the reason for my confusion as to how your version was tighter.

          But anyways, thanks again, I’ll have a synopsis ready within a week or two. Love for you to check that out and I’ll check out any of your material as well.

          PEACE

          Ron

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  38. Profile photo of Boxing49ers
    February 27, 2013, 11:52 am
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    Sounds like it could be really funny. Original idea. Would love to read. I think it’s a unique twist on someone’s unique situation and could be a riot.

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  39. Profile photo of Ronaldfordjr
    February 27, 2013, 1:18 am
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    Very clean and easy to read log line. Grabs you from the beginning and holds you ’til the end…Make sure the script lives up to its potential. Keep at it.

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  40. Profile photo of Bubba
    Bubba says
    February 26, 2013, 12:14 pm
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    Curious as to how this will turn out in your story, but you definitely have my attention all the way with this logline.

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  41. Profile photo of kingcarisma
    February 25, 2013, 7:15 pm
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    :-)

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  42. willphil says
    February 24, 2013, 9:57 pm
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    This story is different since it is not your usual boy or girl lying about their physical appearance, financial status and/or occupational status. This is not a man dressed as a woman and the viewer know. This log line goes further by stating “really good sex change operation”. There is a lot of mystery, no wig to fall off or changing to a disguise. The comedy is when the girl feels déjà vu and don’t know why.

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  43. Profile photo of jeziers2
    jeziers2 says
    February 24, 2013, 3:43 pm
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    Funny concept. This would make a great comedy. It’s very unique and has a lot of potential. Can’t wait to read more about it! Great job!

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  44. February 23, 2013, 4:55 pm

    voted

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  45. February 23, 2013, 4:55 pm

    yay

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  46. February 23, 2013, 4:48 pm
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    Great job

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  47. Profile photo of kingcarisma
    February 23, 2013, 3:49 pm

    Right on!

    King Carisma

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  48. Profile photo of kingcarisma
    February 23, 2013, 2:07 pm

    Here’s my vote. They didn’t count it the first time. Hopefully they did this time!

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  49. Profile photo of kingcarisma
    February 23, 2013, 2:00 pm

    never heard anything like it! Love it!

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  50. richkeith says
    February 23, 2013, 10:44 am
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    I feel like the premise is interesting but a bit convoluted to hold your attention for an entire feature. Could make a great short film though.

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  51. Profile photo of jusork
    jusork says
    February 22, 2013, 7:58 pm
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    Interesting, yes. But it still needs more information about the storyline to be better. It’s got a set up, but what is the conflict?

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  52. February 21, 2013, 9:35 pm
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    I feel this is an exceptional story with a remarkable twist. Out of all the short stories I read, this was definitely the most prominent.

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  53. February 21, 2013, 6:08 pm
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    Interesting concept. Definitely would make for a funny film. I have seen similiar storylines but this does add a different twist.

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  54. hingylingy says
    February 20, 2013, 11:47 pm

    Ron,

    I have reviewed your log line again. I needed to solely base my judgement on log line criteria, I had let my bias over your subject matter get in the way. Please understand that I believe your log line to be credible and well crafted.

    The only thing I would change is really good sex change to great sex change…

    Good job.

    Keep at it..
    we are gonna get somewhere my friend. :)

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  55. February 20, 2013, 8:17 pm
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    Definitely see a great potential with the hook! I would see this most definitely!! Keep up the good work!!

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  56. February 20, 2013, 6:15 pm
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    GREAT START I WANT MORE!!!!!!!!

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  57. February 20, 2013, 4:27 pm
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    Awesome work!

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  58. says
    February 20, 2013, 3:47 pm
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    Definitely different. Sounds very interesting, cant wait to read more. Well, good job!

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  59. February 20, 2013, 4:10 am
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    This sounds like it would be a very funny movie. And i agree with most everybody’s post on here. As with every writer on here, i give you my deepest blessings for your future in writing. Keep up the good work.

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  60. February 19, 2013, 9:18 pm

    My bad on the second sentence… I meant no other man has disguised themselves a “woman” and has dated their girlfriend.. at least the ones you named @ hingylingy…

    And thank you for being honest when you stated that you may be “bias” most people wouldn’t dare admit that lol

    But above all wish you the best from one aspiring writer to another

    Good luck with your stories

    Ron

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    • hingylingy says
      February 19, 2013, 10:40 pm

      Hey Ron;

      Someone gave you a questionable 5 stars!

      Sometimes ulterior motives
      will be revealed here!

      As far as the note you ended on, we’re cool
      You seem alright!

      Fair enough!

      Good luck to you as well, iron does sharpen iron in the end, my friend.

      God bless,

      Jay

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  61. hingylingy says
    February 19, 2013, 8:28 pm
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    Ron;

    Really can’t get with the subject matter of the “anything goes” mantra of today…
    I wouldn’t mind reading the synopsis to see what kind of writer you are.

    Eliminate one of your “really” words with something else, example: really good with “great”
    The log line is pretty well crafted, it just brings up other issues concerning the overall subject matter for me…there may be a little bias here!

    You are pretty critical of everyone else’s work on this site.
    You blasted me on some epic material, so turnabout is fair play.
    I cannot fathom where everyone else is coming from here in their critiques??

    Hollywood, of course, will love the pro-bi-sexual/homosexual message here.
    So, a guy gets a sex change so he can be with his old girlfriend??
    Seems like another man-hater story here, supporting girls looking outside of the standard relationship by getting with another girl. There is a cute backlash concept to this as the guy seems to get his revenge on her, but going to the great lengths of a sex change seems a bit over the top. Is it true love in the end? I doubt it!

    The irony shown here is not extraordinary, we have White Girls, Sorority Boys right off the top of my head..

    So many male actors have played women, Travolta, Tyler Perry, Robin Williams, the Moulin Rouge cast, this is like Freaky Friday meets White Girls,,, in a sense.

    How would the sex change operation not leak out to the ex-girlfriend, plus it seems like these are high school kids?? Simply because you mention girl, not woman??

    So, the conflict here is she is dating her old boyfriend disguised as a girl, because he has deceived her.

    Who is the antagonist, the boy or the girl? It could go either way. The girl is the antagonist because she pushed the envelope forcing the guy who loves her to go to unnatural extremes to obtain her?

    Or it’s the guy, because he “did” go to such great lengths to get his girl back!
    Your log line should lend us a little more information in that direction.

    The big question is: Can he get his stuff back in the end when she finds out? :)

    J

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    • February 19, 2013, 8:46 pm

      thank you for your insights…

      you’re right.. many men have portrayed themselves as women. Neither of those men you just named have portrayed themselves as a man and try to date their ex–girlfriend. Correct?

      you say this is overtop and you are right once again. This is a comedy you know? Comedies are usually over the top— Correct?

      I definitely will love for you to see the sypnosis when it’s done.

      Yes I am critical of everyone’s work. More importantly I try to be honest and fair.

      Don’t understand where the slight animosity comes from? I could easily talk about how you rate your own loglines, give it 5 stars which is fine, but how you go the extra mile tooting your own horn on your loglines isn’t so attractive….at least to me and a few others on this site can agree.

      I read your logline..gave you a honest good review. I see you have a wild mind like mines and I can relate to that…

      But yada yada….on a good note, the last sentence you wrote was the best thing in the novel you just wrote :)

      PEACE

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  62. Profile photo of lex86
    lex86 says
    February 19, 2013, 6:05 pm
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    It’s great…At first I was like “oh no”, but then I thought about it, it’s pretty much the funniest premise you could think of…

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  63. Profile photo of scottmar
    scottmar says
    February 17, 2013, 7:31 pm
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    Good premise. I think it would be good as a quirky indy comedy.

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  64. February 17, 2013, 12:20 pm
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    If you write the script well then you will have a great story to tell and it’ll get a lot of laughs, but if you write it wrong then you’ll just have another “OK” movie.

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  65. February 16, 2013, 2:18 pm
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    Ronald I can wait to learn how you piece the story together and give birth to the complex situation. Love sometime makes people do the strangest things. Work hard, make me laugh, and enjoy the world of creative writing. Love you Much!!!

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  66. Profile photo of writerfultz
    February 16, 2013, 1:42 pm
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    Wow, I wasn’t expecting that.

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  67. gjdevlin says
    February 16, 2013, 12:28 pm
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    I think that’s a funny concept – what’s at stake? Their friendship I guess but still, its got potential.

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  68. rickemg says
    February 15, 2013, 10:37 am
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    A creative concept with wild story potential. I can imagine the juxtapositioning results of the contrasting ex/new relationship. I can see the fun of writing her/his circumspective actions and continuance of an unctuous view towards their relationship.

    Apprise me your script when ready.

    Good job Ron.

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  69. mzmalone81 says
    February 14, 2013, 11:45 pm
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    I think that the potential is oozing out of this logline. I think you should take this comedy as far out the box as you can. I want to read the script. Great Job!

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    • February 14, 2013, 11:55 pm

      thanks!

      Send me a link of the script when it’s available

      I’ll definitely check it out :)

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      • February 15, 2013, 12:02 am

        o boy that was dork move on my part lol

        the other comment I made was meant to be a message to mzmalone81, but uh.. yea lol

        and uh.. thank you to everyone else for rating and commenting on this logline

        Peace!

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  70. Profile photo of TheElite09
    TheElite09 says
    February 14, 2013, 11:25 pm
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    I got a good laugh reading this logline as well. Has strong comedic potential.

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  71. mikeyz says
    February 14, 2013, 9:20 am
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    I nearly pee’d my pants laughing when I first read this – this is a crazy concept!

    I think this would make for a really funny screenplay.

    Best of luck to you!

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  72. wmemoli says
    February 13, 2013, 8:14 pm
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    I get it and I think the time is right for a comedy about an uncomfortable comedy if done right.

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