Girl Missing
User Rating:
VN:RO [1.9.17_1161]
Overall
Story Potential
Hook
Rating: 3.6/5 (6 votes cast)

Girl Missing

A veteran street walking prostitute race against time to rescue a lost little girl who was abducted by an underground sex human trafficking syndicate before she is lost in the world of sex slavery.

    16 Comments

    Leave A Reply
    1. February 13, 2016, 10:03 am
      Overall
      Story Potential
      Hook

      Could be a good action b movie – van damme starring comes to mind

      VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
      Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
      Report user
    2. December 21, 2015, 3:19 am
      Overall
      Story Potential
      Hook

      Love an interesting story

      VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
      Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
      Report user
    3. Chidi says
      June 5, 2015, 8:44 pm
      Overall
      Story Potential
      Hook

      This logline looks pretty okay. But the tense seems incorrect. Do you mean “race” or “races”? Again, telling us that the little girl is “lost” and “abducted” sounds like a repetition. The idea is to make the logline as concise as possible. Unless you intend to use “lost” differently. A better adjective could be used. Also, “race against time” could be more specific.

      VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
      Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
      Report user
      • Profile photo of raydavenport
        June 5, 2015, 9:50 pm

        you know what you are right, I put the word “LOST” twice which is redundant and I did forget to make the line more clear, but I posted it as is, it can be changed but I didn’t because of the sake of the website.

        Your comments you helpful to me as well as other writers, we now know what to do and what NOT to do by keeping it that way, thanks for the comment and the rating!

        VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
        Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
        Report user
    4. Profile photo of RonFord
      RonFord says
      May 6, 2015, 3:58 pm
      Overall
      Story Potential
      Hook

      Grammar is a little awkward, but this sounds good! I’d watch it, based on the short description you’ve written.

      VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
      Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
      Report user
      • Profile photo of raydavenport
        May 6, 2015, 8:46 pm

        Thanks Ron Ford, but do it sound like the movie TAKEN to you?

        VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
        Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
        Report user
        • Profile photo of RonFord
          RonFord says
          May 6, 2015, 9:17 pm

          Far as characters go, no. Plotwise maybe but that doesnt matter in my opinion because taken has a standard plotline seen in other movies before it.

          VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
          Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
          Report user
          • Profile photo of raydavenport
            May 6, 2015, 9:20 pm

            yeah that’s what I thought too. I just not sure if I should write this for the ADULT audience only or streamline it.

            VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
            Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
            Report user
            • Profile photo of RonFord
              RonFord says
              May 6, 2015, 9:30 pm

              I hear you. I guess go with your gut feeling and take it from there.

              VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
              Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
          • Profile photo of raydavenport
            May 6, 2015, 9:41 pm

            I’m not sure if you seen that movie EYES WIDE SHUT with Tom Cruise or that movie SHAME with Michael Fassbender, or IRREVERSIBLE with Monica Belushi. That is why I said she is a veteran street walking prostitute, she is only on the streets for years and just when she thought she seen it all;

            She have to go to the underground fetish playground and these weird places searching for this girl, she entered a whole new world of sex slavery. I am thinking of writing the script along the lines of those movies.

            VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
            Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
            Report user
            • Profile photo of RonFord
              RonFord says
              May 6, 2015, 9:43 pm

              Okay. I never saw those movies.

              VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
              Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    5. Profile photo of RutgerOosterhoff
      April 29, 2015, 1:59 pm

      It’s not a problem, Hollywood is all about: give me the same thing only different. If you do that it will be fine.

      VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
      Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
      Report user
    6. Profile photo of damiz78
      damiz78 says
      April 29, 2015, 12:48 am
      Overall
      Story Potential
      Hook

      A little wordy. Fix grammar. Should be “races”.

      Cut out the unneeded words. Try this

      A veteran prostitute races against time to rescue a little girl who was abducted by an underground sex trafficking syndicate.

      VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
      Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
      Report user
    7. Profile photo of RutgerOosterhoff
      April 28, 2015, 3:47 am
      Overall
      Story Potential
      Hook

      Ok- this is Taken, but now with a hooker. It gives the story another point of view. Not bad! The logline is really solid, and well-constructed. You could cut “street walking”but it’s not really necessary.

      The irony is subtle, being the fact that she knows how it feels being a sex puppet.

      But I must say these kind of stories have been done a lot. It should be a d… good story to impress!

      VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
      Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
      Report user
      • Profile photo of raydavenport
        April 29, 2015, 9:31 am

        Thanks Rutger, I will do my best to make it a damn good story! I forgot about the movie TAKEN, it does sound a lot like that film.

        But the TAKEN movie is international where as my story takes place in one city during the over night hours, I’m think Miami Beach, South Beach, Florida!

        I know of a perfect spot for this to be filmed too!

        VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
        Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
        Report user

    Leave a Reply

    You must be logged in to post a comment.