Ghost in the Gun More Images
User Rating:
VN:RO [1.9.17_1161]
Overall
Concept
Story Structure
Character
Dialogue
Grammar
Budget (1-Low / 5-High)
Rating: 2.9/5 (2 votes cast)

Ghost in the Gun

A merchant left for dead in the desert comes across a possessed gun and transforms into a gunslinger bent on avenging his murdered family, but unbeknownst to him the gun has a vendetta of its own.

2 Comments

Leave A Reply
  1. Profile photo of jkmiliken
    jkmiliken says
    January 19, 2016, 12:39 pm
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    The story should be expanded on to include other gunfight scenes leading to the climax.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  2. warden67 says
    November 12, 2014, 5:11 pm
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    This is an interesting concept, and the way it’s executed with heightened descriptions and dialogue makes it feel like an animated short. Honestly, the more I think about it the more I like it. Character is 3-stars because they are simple-ish, broad-stroke characters, but that actually works here. And you’ve set up the character of Joseph nicely. Some other thoughts:

    There’s a gun that presumably contains the spirit of the Gunslinger and it’s got a vendetta against the Sheriff. Meanwhile, Krug is desperate to find the bandits that killed his family. This is a cool conflict, and I like that the Gunslinger’s motives are a mystery while Krug’s are crystal clear. It gives us a protag to root for, but hints at a larger world around him. Too much exposition in terms of character motives would be distracting. However, you should name the bandits at the beginning, just to give the reader a name or two that they know to look out for. I also thought the names could have been simpler just for the sake of the read – since their names are never spoken – but that part is really up to you and the kind of tone you’re going for.

    Otherwise, I’m expecting a sequel or two. You’ve got a mysterious conflict between the gunslinger and the sheriff, the question of what happened to the gunslinger and how the gun came to be in the middle of the desert, and the rogue-ish, inappropriate character of Joseph who now has all this power. That’s a lot of interesting stuff to explore. Overall, I enjoyed it. Nicely done!

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.