Fulton Briggs Is On More Images
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Rating: 3.9/5 (10 votes cast)

Fulton Briggs Is On

Coinciding with his departure from one of America’s most popular TV sitcoms, actor Fulton Briggs can’t seem to shake the audience laugh track that continues to follow him around in his everyday life. Under the tutelage of a quirky yet lovable Therapist, Fulton’s bizarre journey to ‘rid the laughter’ leads him to some staunch realizations about both who he is, and who he really needs to become, in that ever-elusive search towards self-discovery.

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  1. mikeyz says
    February 18, 2016, 8:17 pm

    Nicka 91606,

    Thank you so much for the detailed analysis and for taking the time out of your day to read and review my script. Really appreciate it!

    I have since made several revisions to the story and will continue to make some edits particularly in those areas you highlighted so well.

    Best,
    Mike.

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      Nicka91606 says
      February 18, 2016, 8:46 pm

      We’re all here to help one another. Keep up the good work. If you have a chance, I have a scipt just posted. “Hard Candy Christmas” A Musical Comedy.

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    Nicka91606 says
    February 18, 2016, 4:35 pm
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    Very interesting concepts with some interesting characters and some funny moments.
    Overall it is a good early draft with lots to work from.

    No real story. Nothing at stake, so I lost interest very early on in the script. A lot of the scenes were redundant with the same result happening in different situations.

    Long sections of narration with nothing happening got to be a bit tedious.

    There were some funny moments, but many of them telegraphed. Telegraphing can be effective if it has the audience anticipating it, but not if it is just predictable. Such as warning Fulton that the shelf holding paint is not secure. His tapping the shelf and causing it to fall is not funny. If not warned, and he causes to fall would be a better laugh.

    The action lines, although sparse, are a bit wordy. Examples:
    Page 6: “Fulton sits at a table with his girlfriend, AMY WARREN, 28 and attractive in appearance. Both have plates of food in front of them in the fairly busy patio section of the restaurant on a warm sunny day”. The scene heading stated it is a Patio Restaurant. The audience doesn’t know she is his girlfriend from seeing them sit there. Warm and sunny is not necessary to the story. It can be said in half the words.

    Page 50: “Fulton and Boston Rob are at the bar having a drink. Fulton seems depressed in his own little world while Boston Rob is chatting it up with a BLONDE FEMALE, 26 and attractive to his right”. Shorter: “At the Bar, Boston Rob chats with a hot BLONDE FEMALE (26), as a Fulton sits vacant.”

    Page 53: He is standing next to another man, Krishna Raj…” Shorter: “He stands next to “Krishna Raj…”

    Page 57 – “Fulton and Krishna Raj meander around in the girls’ living room and take in the décor… The two now walk towards an area of the space where some remodeling has clearly been taking place. The area is littered with paint cans and brushes and drops clothes on the floor.” Shorter: “Fulton and Krisna Raj take in the décor and notice an area with a drop cloth and paint supplies”

    In addition, there are too many stage directions. Don’t tell actors how to sit (cross-legged) or grab a lighter. Some actions are implied and don’t need to be spelled out. Let the actor and director figure out the details that aren’t critical to the story.

    Sometimes the action lines give information to the reader but that information is not shown to the audience. Flashbacks starting on page 29 are known because of the heading, but the scene gives no indication to the audience that it took place a day earlier.

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  3. mikeyz says
    May 1, 2015, 4:06 pm

    Hey Joseph,

    Good to hear from you again, my friend!

    Thank you ever so much for taking time out of your day to read this – really appreciate it!

    You’ve given me some very wonderful feedback once again and quite a bit to think about for my next draft, indeed. I agree that that all important first act piece is really non-existent here and the story begins with Fulton knowing he has the problem right at the outset.

    Definitely different from Drive-Thru and 5 Aisle, I know. I was very appreciative of your great feedback on those works as well!

    Leave it with me and I’ll work on making those changes you speak of.

    Thanks again for your thoughts!

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  4. Joseph-Day says
    May 1, 2015, 3:28 pm
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    Let me start by saying that you have a great concept here and I was excited to read it considering how much I liked your script Drive Thru and the other one in the grocery store (sorry blanking on the title). The thing that made those scripts great was that they were both fully realized concepts fueled by fleshed out characters and great dialogue. This script, though, is less polished and seems like an early draft rather than a complete screenplay.

    The glaring problem with this script is its lack of a first act. Similar films like The Truman Show and Stranger Than Fiction execute their premises better by slowly letting their main characters discover what is actually happening to them. A lot of humor can be mined out of a main character who has no idea what is going on. In your script, however, we’re thrown into the story with Fulton already dealing with the laugh track in his head and there’s no mystery as to what is going on.

    My suggestion is to start the script during the filming of his last episode of the sitcom. After the taping, have him sitting by himself on the set, talking to himself. Have him say something funny, and the laugh track starts. He wouldn’t get freaked out at first, though, because he would think its just one of the producers hidden behind a booth somewhere playing a trick on him. Then its just a matter of Fulton gradually realizing his predicament. In my opinion, the scene in the agent’s office should be on page 20 instead of page 1.

    Other than that, I think your dialogue and characters are good, but yet, not as strong as I think you are capable of considering your previous work. This may be due to the fact that this is an early draft.

    Just keep polishing and you’ll have a solid script in no time.

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  5. mikeyz says
    April 26, 2015, 2:19 pm

    Thank you for reading, Rutger. I’m glad you liked this!

    I know the dialogue goes on a bit too much … I’ll work on that.

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  6. Profile photo of RutgerOosterhoff
    April 26, 2015, 1:32 pm

    Just finished the screenplay. I liked it although I find it a bit heavy on dialogue.

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  7. aweiss says
    April 26, 2015, 3:34 am
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    As much as this script says “be yourself,” It’s also asking “What price love?” and “what price art?” Does Fulton find his answers, and shake off his laugh track? What follows is a very entertaining journey showing how he deals with his situation.

    There isn’t a lot of action here, mostly dialog, snappy, funny dialog, and while I wish there was more action, I also know it would get in the way of the great dialog.

    I’d like to think this would sell, and would not like to think that it wouldn’t because of so little action. Time will tell. But I really liked this script, very well written, and I wish Mikey Z all the best with it.

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  8. mikeyz says
    April 23, 2015, 12:51 pm

    You’re so right about the over-long voice overs so I will definitely scale those back in my next draft. I also agree with you on the consistency of the laugh track although I’m not entirely sure if the idea of watching “Full House” would necessarily incite such laughter. Remember that this guy is a die-hard sitcom watcher … as disturbing as that may seem! I do see where you’re coming from though so I’ll definitely re-visit where those instances (should) occur!

    Thank you for reading and for your very helpful feedback!

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    Leonilde says
    April 23, 2015, 11:44 am
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    This takes a little while to get going but when it does, the jokes comes in pretty fast and furious!
    It is very well written with a strong premise.

    I agree that your voice-overs are too long and are over-used. Scale those back. In the one scene about pop culture influences, Fulton goes on for what essentially good end up being up to a full 2 minutes of screen time. Audiences would likely lose interest fast if this were to be the case!
    Also, double check whenever the laughter is triggered after Fulton makes a funny comment. You want to make sure you’re consistent. For example, he says he’s a big fan of “Full House” but there is no laughter and I would think there should be.

    As far as I can tell, no glaring spelling errors exist and your formatting is excellent.

    I think this would make for a pretty funny movie so good luck in trying to get it made – assuming that’s the direction you want to take this of course.
    Otherwise, good luck in this contest!

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  10. mikeyz says
    April 22, 2015, 8:51 am

    Big bear, thank you for once again taking time out of your day to read and review this!

    I know you had read at least one of my other works before and you had given me some pretty constructive feedback back then. You are a little tougher to please for sure but I do appreciate your honesty! This is why I invited you this time around again … thank you for accepting and for fitting this in to your schedule!

    Can you explain to me exactly why you would need to ‘check your head at the door’ if you were to watch this? I’m intrigued by this reference as much as I am curious about it.

    Again, appreciate your comments!

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    Big-bear2 says
    April 22, 2015, 6:57 am
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    Funny premise with plenty of pop-culture references sprinkled throughout. Might be a tad much for some readers, but overall a good tale. I would have no problem in ‘checking my brain at the door’ to watch this. Its different from your previous pieces and kudos to making it work.

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  12. Profile photo of RutgerOosterhoff
    April 16, 2015, 4:09 pm

    Ok, at page 40 now.

    Here are some revisions:

    Pag 18:

    BACK TO: INT. DR. WASSERMAN’S OFFICE

    Becomes:

    BACK TO

    INT. DR. WASSERMAN’S OFFICE

    Pag 21

    (1)
    Under score FLASBACK and use a hyphen afterwards

    FLASHBACK – INT. HIGH SCHOOL BASKETBALL COURT – DAY

    (2)
    Milton chest passes it across me who takes it cleanly.

    Should this not be?:

    Milton chest passes the bal across to me and I take it cleanly.

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  13. mikeyz says
    April 14, 2015, 12:16 pm

    Appreciate the read and review, Deanooo.
    I’m not sure what you mean when you speak of ‘the genre I’m going for. …” This is strictly a comedy, plain and simple. The segments involving reality shows, parody, romance, and so forth are all part and parcel of the characters and the story line. I don’t feel like I’ve blurred any genre lines but I could be wrong. Or maybe I’m not understanding your query properly…

    W.r.t. ‘camera direction’, other than the last scene where its definitely needed, I actually don’t recall using any.

    Anyhow, please feel free to reply or msg me privately if you need further clarification.
    Again, thanks so much for your comments!

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    deanooo321 says
    April 14, 2015, 11:24 am
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    Unique concept. Reminded me a little of The Truman Show.

    Confusing to me only in the sense that I wasn’t completely sure what genre you were going for…spoof, fantasy vs. reality, edgy, rom-com. I suppose it works on the fact that you’ve managed to blend it all into one pretty cool little story. I warn however that mass movie audiences tend to be very cut and dry when it comes to knowing what kind of movie they want to see.

    You also don’t present us with a great deal of action sequences and the story is quite heavy in dialogue – which by the way is some of the funniest I’ve read on this site, hands down. What you have going for you is the fact that a movie such as this would be relatively inexpensive to make which is always a key selling point to production companies.

    I noticed 2 or 3 scenes give camera instruction – try to avoid this and leave this to the director. I know that at least one is integral to the scene so it may be acceptable given the circumstances. Otherwise, your formatting and grammar is essentially spot-on. This is a very easy script to follow and it flows quite nicely. Your scenes transition smartly and often cut away on a well-timed punchline – reminiscent of Woody Allen-style neurosis and yes, as others have eluded to, perhaps Larry David as well.

    Keep at it my friend – this is a terrific premise with loads of potential. Good luck in this competition.

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  15. mikeyz says
    April 13, 2015, 5:37 pm

    Nice twist there Rutger — I love it. Anytime you throw Dr. Phil into the mix, you have created a sure-fire recipe for hilarity!

    Nice to see my stories can inspire some clever creativity from the readers on this site.

    If you get a chance, please feel free to read on and tell me what you think. I think it gets only better as the story progresses and I believe you’ll really enjoy Fulton’s very offbeat journey!

    Thanks again for your comments!

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  16. Profile photo of RutgerOosterhoff
    April 13, 2015, 4:24 pm

    Got to page 17 and then I could NOT stop myself anymore, sorry….

    RECEPTIONIST
    Given the highly precarious situation of the matter,
    your file has been transferred to a Dr. Wasserman down the hall.

    FULTON
    Oh.

    RECEPTIONIST #1
    You can actually go over there now. It’s Room 215.

    FULTON
    Thank you.

    INT. MEDICAL BUILDING HALLWAY – LATER

    Fulton makes his way down the hallway carefully examining each doorway name and room number.

    FULTON (first door) Waterman …
    (next door down) Handleman …
    (next door down) Peterman …
    (next door down) Sugarman …
    (next door down) Triggerman …
    (next door down) Smith.

    As he continues to look up at each door, Fulton suddenly stumbles and rants to himself in frustration.

    FULTON (CONT’D)
    Motherfu–!

    AUDIENCE LAUGHTER sounds off. Fulton looks up in anger in response to the laughter –

    FULTON (CONT’D)
    Blow me!!

    He gets on his knees , stands erect and continues to walk through the hallway –

    (next door down) Wasserman

    FULTON
    (Relieved)
    Pfff – Yes!!

    He KNOCKS and as the door opens …

    FULTON (CON’T)
    What the… FUCK!!…

    AUDIENCE LAUGHTER –

    DR. PHILL
    … No… Dr. Phill !

    AUDIENCE LAUGHTER AND FANATICAL HAND CLAPPING…

    DR. PHILL (CON’T)
    Did you really expect me to fuck with people’s minds, steal the show
    and get away with it using my real name, Dr Wasseman.
    (beat)
    They would drown me!

    HISTERICAL LAUGHTER…

    DR. PHIL (CON”T)
    (to audience)
    Yes-Yes- don’t suck up as allways.

    His words create one “BOOOEEEEE!”
    SMASH CUT TO:

    INT. STUDIO DR. PHIL SHOW – DAY

    ZOOM IN ON on the hero who is forcefully taken away by security…

    CUT BACK TO:

    INT. DOORWAY

    Fulton is completely bewildered…

    FULTON
    Can you hear them TO!!!

    Dr, PHILL
    Yes, I fucking invented them –
    (beat)
    Oops, sory, must keep in character.

    Laughter…

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  17. mikeyz says
    April 10, 2015, 9:02 pm

    Wow, looks like I’ve gained a follower on this site!

    Appreciate the kind words, Blin, and indeed I am a big fan of Larry David’s humor.

    I’m glad you enjoyed this and thank you for taking the time to read it!

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  18. Profile photo of
    says
    April 10, 2015, 7:29 pm
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    This whole script is ON to be honest! Different but very funny.
    I believe I had read and reviewed another screenplay of yours before with ‘Miles and Fiona”. I was a fan of your humor in that one MikeyZ so when I saw you posted a new one, I had to give this one a read too!

    Again, I wasn’t disappointed. In the same vein as Miles and Fiona, your style of writing is consistent in its very Larry David-esqe, “talk-about-nothing” dialogue with quirky and loveable character-driven story lines.

    I do agree with J Michael’s comments that if this ever gets to production, you would need approval from the makers of those films to use those bits of material. You use them so effectively though in this piece!

    I loved Swingers too by the way: “…when you go up to talk to her, be the guy in the R-rated movie and not the PG one.”

    Definitely Business Class…

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  19. mikeyz says
    April 9, 2015, 12:21 pm

    Ha, ha, Rutger! Thank you for your comments but I would really love for you to give this a read. Who knows, after reading maybe you’ll feel as if your ratings were too generous … Lol!

    For me, Married With Children started strong but then really over-stayed its welcome in my opinion.

    As for laugh tracks and sitcoms in general, yeah it can all get annoying which is why I thought it would be a great concept to have this loom over this ex sitcom star’s world.

    Thanks again!

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  20. Profile photo of RutgerOosterhoff
    April 9, 2015, 11:57 am
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    So even without – yet – reading the script I will give you almost full point. Why? I hate ‘audience laugh tracks’. Filmed with a live audience. Yes, SURE!!! This script MUST be hilarious. Please, please, please – don’t f… it up!!!!!!!

    PS: Did “Married with Children” really need a laugh track?

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  21. mikeyz says
    April 9, 2015, 8:28 am

    Rocky, thanks so much for the read and review! Glad you enjoyed this.

    I agree with you completely on the often drawn-out voice overs. I can certainly trim those down a little. Appreciate the feedback!

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    Rocky says
    April 8, 2015, 10:48 pm
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    Hilarious premise. Highly entertaining and masterfully written.
    Your send-ups of iconic movies and tv shows are cleverly interspersed throughout the story.
    I thought Fulton’s voiced over commentaries were brilliant although they were over-used and some went on for far too long.

    Not much else to say except “very well done” and that we are in the presence of a talented writer here.

    Good luck going forward with this!

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  23. mikeyz says
    April 1, 2015, 11:33 am

    Thank you for the read and review, James.

    This screenplay is really an homage to all those great films and TV shows I grew up with that really spoke to me. This explains the often blatant references and scenes from those such programs and films. Fulton is really an embodiment of all things pop culture that characterize and even dominate his world that he just can not escape no matter how hard he tries!

    I do have one question for you: When you say “… I don’t know if production will be okay with it” — I’m not exactly sure what you mean by this. Are you referring to things such as copyright rules and so forth since I’m referencing quotes from other films?

    Just curious. Thanks again for your comments!

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    • roknsrf says
      April 1, 2015, 4:11 pm

      Exactly, I’m not sure if they will be willing to go to the trouble of getting permission to use copyrighted content, or is it permissible like spoof movies.

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  24. roknsrf says
    April 1, 2015, 3:24 am
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    Great beginning, solid concept, it could’ve been a little funnier. I am a huge fan of Swingers, but I don’t know if production will be okay with it. “Oh, so now I’m the asshole. I’m outta here.”

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