Friends And Romans
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Rating: 3.5/5 (4 votes cast)

Friends And Romans

A pair of out of work mob actors try to stage Julius Caesar at a theater in Staten Island.

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  1. Profile photo of bsouls4
    bsouls4 says
    November 1, 2012, 4:01 am
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    I thought this script started off really well and I was very interested for the first 30 or so pages. After that, my interest started to wane. While in the beginning, the dialogue seemed real and I believed that these guys would talk that way. However, sometimes throughout the rest of the script, the dialogue started feeling very cliche and silly.

    I think you have a great idea here and you set it up extremely well and you definitely have a talent for making things flow together. But, the payoff wasn’t there. You set up this whole mafia story line with Bananas, but Bananas seemed to barely even be in the script. And it seems very unrealistic that this mob boss would get so angry at Dennis from one or two arguments that Bananas would get so crazed for opening night and risk killing a man in front of all these people and exposing his identity which he has been able to keep secret for so long. It seems that if Bananas wanted Dennis dead, he would just hire a goon to take care of him and continue on with acting like nothing happened. Also, with Dennis’s destroyed office, it seems like it’s going to be important and then it’s never mentioned again. It just seems kind of weird.

    The ending also didn’t work for me with Nick singing and then everyone singing and I guess that’s supposed to save the play. It ties in nicely with “real actors go for it”, and I like that whole thing, but it seems that if Nick started singing, everyone there would just be like “wtf is he doing?” and no one would join in and the audience would start booing. I thought he was going to either recite the lines perfectly, not in a Brando impression, or deliver some Deniro, Brando, and Pacino lines and everyone join in, as this would show that Nick is okay with who he is.

    The writing is very good and you obviously know how to write, but for me, the second and third act need to be spruced up with a couple rewrites and maybe add some more of Bananas and some other mafia guys.

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  2. October 13, 2012, 6:37 am
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    A great idea matching mob with Romans

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    jusork says
    October 2, 2012, 10:15 pm
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    I think this is the best script I’ve read so far. Great story and story structure. Lots of great original comedy. Two of my favorite moments are when Paulie seems to nearly give himself up by horribly mispronouncing Italian food. The other is when the chief calls them all killers because “they are absolutely murdering this play.” It comes in perfectly.

    Like I said, the structure is great. Everything seems to work off each other and develop seemlessly without forced situations or anything. From Bananas ending up wanting to be in the play because of being an ego-maniacal actor to the way you allow for Gina to smile and frown in her reconsideration of her father as a reference the work he did with Goodfellas to get her braces.

    You’ve got a few reasonable formatting errors, but nothing major. However, I do believe it’s common script procedure to reestablish action under each new scene heading. Even nothing’s changed and it’s just “Dennis and Nick stand on stage.”

    I think the following might be my only issues: first, hint at his worry and frustration of the play better earlier, building up to when he gets angry at his daughter. I felt a little bit like I wasn’t sure it was coming from.

    When chief says “I think you’re bananas,” ‘bananas shouldn’t be capitalized because in that moment he’s not referring to a name. Another great big of comedy by the way.

    What happened with Dennis’ wrecked office? It was Bananas I assume. I feel like you should mention something about it because right now it kind of disappears like it’s nothing. We don’t exactly know what it meant.

    Might build up Banana’s belligerence toward Dennis leading up to the big stabbing. Just so we remember why he’s doing it, because I didn’t really remember immediately. Especially when you just suddenly describe him as crazed-looking and I wasn’t sure why.

    Good luck. You might try punching up your logline by the way. You could easily.

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    JDror says
    September 14, 2012, 8:30 pm
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    A truly painful read. It relies on tired clichés about Italian American actors and the mafia. I'm not sure which was the biggest waste, the subscription fee paid by the author or the time spent writing it and reading it….

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