Fertilizer
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Rating: 3.1/5 (3 votes cast)

Fertilizer

A simple gardener on a golf course is in love with a rich woman. In order to join her social class, he decides to steal urns with the ashes of cremated people and ransom them for money. When he is rich and has won the woman’s heart, he accidentally steals the ashes of his new mother-in-law.



FILM PITCH FERTILIZER from peter sterk on Vimeo.

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  1. Profile photo of ebfilms
    ebfilms says
    January 20, 2014, 1:50 pm
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    Peter, I just read your screenplay. Dark & twisted, but well done effort. You have a very good style, but perhaps you overwrite a little bit. A bit too much description- and in some places it lost me a little bit.First I’ll talk a little bit about what I liked. I thought this was a unique and original idea. I really liked the dark humour, especially in the first act. There were a couple of laugh out loud moments which rarely happens to me when I read screenplays. I liked Fred, the idea of him being a ‘lovable idiot’ really suited the story. The scene at the McDonald’s is a whoot. There were some very funny moments, but also some moments when it just felt a bit too contrived. With a little more work, perhaps this can be something to hang your hat on. Cheers!

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    peersterk says
    October 17, 2013, 4:12 am
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    thanks kurt mayes, your comments are really helpful!

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    Kurt-Mayes says
    October 17, 2013, 12:41 am
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    Hi Peter,

    I’ve just completed reading your screenplay, Fertilizer.

    First I’ll talk a little bit about what I liked. I thought this was a unique and original idea. I really liked the dark humour, especially in the first act. There were a couple of laugh out loud moments which rarely happens to me when I read screenplays. I liked Fred, the idea of him being a ‘lovable idiot’ really suited the story.

    As crazy of an idea as this story is, I can still see it working. However the script needs a hell of a lot of work. I got the impression while reading it that you had this idea in your head for a few months, then you typed it out as fast as you could. It reads as a very rough first draft. I found many spelling and grammatical errors from start to finish, as well as formatting issues where dialogue reads as action, and action is included in the centre of the page as dialogue. I understand this may be due to the fact that it’s an English version? You mentioned in your video pitch that you’re from The Netherlands, so there may be some errors in translation for this version. If you spend a bit of time re-reading and polishing this up you’ll not only fix these errors but also have ideas on how to sharpen the story.

    I felt there were too many instances of ‘convenience’. Especially with the wrong person walking past at the wrong time type thing. Way too convenient. I understand it’s a dark comedy of sorts so a bit of leeway needs to be given, but there was just too much of it. I also feel as though your best humour all occurred in the first act. With a comedy I think the level of humour needs to increase as the story unfolds. For me the funniest scene occurred when Fred goes to do the first pick-up at McDonalds and gets stuck between the victims and the cop car. Hilarious scene.

    An Australian horror/comedy film came out recently called 100 Bloody Acres. It’s about two guys who have a fertilizer business and their secret ingredient is the flesh and bones of their victims. I think you should check it out if you can. It reminded me of your story.

    Overall I think there is a good framework here and a very funny idea. It just needs tightening up in a lot of areas and could do with at least 2 more re-writes. I also think you should change a lot of the ‘We see’, ‘We hear’ parts. Instead just describe the action as it will appear on screen.

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    BVG59 says
    September 20, 2013, 12:50 am

    Premise sounds implausible.

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