Ferocious
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Rating: 2.7/5 (14 votes cast)

Ferocious

America’s great naval hero John Paul Jones is invited to Russia to fight the Ottoman Turks, by Empress Catherine the Great, who engages him as a “useful terrorist” – a mercenary. After a tumultuous welcome, Jones, enchanted by the soul of Russia, has a forbidden romance with a beautiful Noblewoman.


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  1. Chidi says
    March 29, 2014, 11:44 am
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    Story Potential
    Hook

    Story potential is high. Logline is not contained. Hook missing.

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    jeziers2 says
    February 28, 2013, 12:02 am
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    Hook

    Good potential.

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  3. December 7, 2012, 1:23 pm
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    Hook

    Too much clutter and it’s a weak hook. Your synopsis is better.

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    imageink says
    October 12, 2012, 3:37 pm
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    Story Potential
    Hook

    I find the last part of the logline to be the crux of the story. The rest is background.

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  5. Brian@TE says
    September 5, 2012, 9:07 pm
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    Its too wordy, try to cut it down to essential wording.

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  6. Profile photo of rookiemistake
    August 4, 2012, 5:48 pm
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    I think the idea is fine but the wording could be whittled down a bit.

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  7. s3gun says
    August 2, 2012, 7:39 pm
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    hmmm… not convinced. That logline needs more work.

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  8. Profile photo of
    says
    July 5, 2012, 3:26 pm

    Great logline but how does the “forbid romance” intersect with the main characters goal? is it a challenge? It also needs to be shortened.

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  9. Profile photo of tserlin
    tserlin says
    June 22, 2012, 2:04 pm
    Overall
    Story Potential
    Hook

    Clearly the premise is there. This seems very lifetime network.
    The logline could be trimmed to it’s true core essense – without the well-written – but wordy paragraph description. A slightly more streamlined approach will elevate this!

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  10. catmorris says
    June 15, 2012, 9:06 pm
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    Welcome historical drama concept Macho and sexy

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  11. subsy1 says
    May 26, 2012, 8:50 am
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    Hook

    Can only echo what has gone before, also “terrorist” seems totally misplaced given the period nature of the film. This could be a great story if it’s told properly.

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  12. says
    May 24, 2012, 4:06 pm
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    Hook

    I’ll echo most of what Cynosurer has said. Trim trim trim. One of the longest low concept loglines I ‘ve read was Pirates of the Caribbean, yours is longer.

    An American naval hero is invited by Empress Catherine to help Russia fight the Ottoman Turks, but gets sidetracked by a forbidden romance.

    Just a suggestion.

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  13. May 24, 2012, 10:48 am
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    Story Potential
    Hook

    Too vague and missing the hook. How does the romance impact goal? Conflict?

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  14. Profile photo of
    says
    May 17, 2012, 3:05 pm
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    Story Potential
    Hook

    This needs more reference to the middle and later part of the movie and more on the central conflict for the hero and who the forces are against him.

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  15. cynosurer says
    May 16, 2012, 7:22 pm
    Overall
    Story Potential
    Hook

    This logline is too busy. Needs a lot of trimming. I love the subject and the time period so it’s hard to say there’s no hook but there really isn’t one in this logline. To the average reader it’s going to come across as a history lesson and the “terrorist/mercenary” hints at a possibly unwelcomed political slant/message.

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    • May 24, 2012, 10:45 am

      How does the forbidden romance impact his mercenary position? I think that would sew up the logline..How do I vote?.cant find a link ………new at this.

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