Ferocious
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Rating: 2.9/5 (1 vote cast)

Ferocious

John Paul Jones, the legendary naval hero of the American Revolution, hungry for another chance at eternal glory, hires himself out as a mercenary Admiral in the Russian Navy but the other Russian officers, noblemen all, betray him in battle and incite palace intrigues and a sex scandal against him.


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  1. ebernard1 says
    July 1, 2012, 8:42 am
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    Dimitri,

    First, you write masterfully. Your description and attention to detail shows your patience and skill as a writer. My only criticism would be there is hardly enough theme in the beginning to give your character that final dimension to create an epic tale. By the end of the first act he has not been forced into a hard decision of bind to push him out on the edge. Additionally, you don’t make a thematic statement. You focus on a vicious battle but what is the thematic question Jones is going to answer for us. You hint at it with: his slavery comments, his defense of chivalry, and his hint of protection for the hot russian chick. You just get your feet wet. What the hell is Jones fighting for?

    I would not mind giving you feedback on your revision. PM me anytime.

    Erik

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