Fade To Black More Images
User Rating:
VN:RO [1.9.17_1161]
Overall
Concept
Story Structure
Character
Dialogue
Grammar
Budget (1-Low / 5-High)
Rating: 3.6/5 (21 votes cast)

Fade To Black

An aspiring screenwriter’s life tailspins when he gets caught in a love triangle with a struggling actress and the daughter of the most powerful producer in Hollywood.

25 Comments

Leave A Reply
  1. Profile photo of G-rad
    G-rad says
    January 31, 2013, 1:39 pm
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    I enjoyed it. I would watch it.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  2. wardparry says
    January 30, 2013, 12:41 pm

    *****Disclaimer**** I’ve been assigned this script as a mandatory assessment. I’ve previously reviewed this and don’t have anything further to add to it. Best of luck with the competition. Previous review below.

    I read it in quick time, my enthusiasm for it spiked by the obvious relevance to James; that he like us all on here is a screenwriter. I love reading noirish tales of screenwriters going native in LA, and this was an enjoyable take. However, I felt like you emphasized the story narrative over strong characters.Whilst this felt like a purposeful ploy rather than a coincidental one, I feel your characters need work. As it stands, they feel superficial and I’m not sure should be there simply to satisfy the mechanics of structure. Whilst I was rooting for James, throughout, even after killing Iris, he felt on the nose. I’d love to see a less obvious perspective than the one you portray. Most, if not all, your characters felt cliche, lots of industry talk, and places to go. I’ve been to those parties and you would be surprised by how unglamorous they tend to be – I think that might have added a layer of nuance to your script. Something that would have caught James by surprise too. The glitter bashes in LA tend to be frequented by people who are chasing rather than who have already made it. Perhaps showing the elan alongside the crass might have made James wanted that life more than the fast cars and chicks in short skirts. I think you can afford to go in a more thinking man’s direction with this, rather than to satisfy the Entourage crew. WP

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  3. Profile photo of tarrynmc
    tarrynmc says
    January 19, 2013, 11:25 pm

    Really enjoyed the script. It was engaging to read. I found the dialogue real and amusing. The ending was a little darker than I expected. Overall I think it would make a good independent type movie.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  4. Profile photo of tarrynmc
    tarrynmc says
    January 19, 2013, 11:23 pm
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    Really enjoyed the script. It was easy and engaging to read. I found the dialogue real and amusing. The ending was a little darker than I expected.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  5. Profile photo of Julie-Anne
    Julie-Anne says
    December 26, 2012, 4:25 am
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    A very easy read, but the story probably wasn’tthe most original.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  6. December 11, 2012, 5:41 am
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    Lots of talent and potential evident in this script….it just leaves the impression of being a script in progress rather than a final draft….for all of the reasons given in previous comments. Well worth persevering with.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  7. Profile photo of 747russell
    747russell says
    December 10, 2012, 3:08 am
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    Some good ideas, marred by the technical issues others have pointed out. From one artist to another, keep at it, and don’t take criticism too much to heart.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: -1 (from 1 vote)
    Report user
  8. Profile photo of
    says
    December 4, 2012, 9:20 pm

    .

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  9. Profile photo of
    says
    December 4, 2012, 9:10 pm

    eh

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  10. Profile photo of tdub11
    tdub11 says
    December 2, 2012, 1:36 am
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    It was ok

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  11. Profile photo of kervern
    kervern says
    December 2, 2012, 12:31 am
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    meh.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  12. November 30, 2012, 4:18 am
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    Not my thing.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  13. November 30, 2012, 3:26 am
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    I agree this is a good idea with good characters, but there are A LOT of mistakes.

    In screenplays, you MUST write description ONLY, not thoughts (unless its monologue) and you must write in the present, not present progressive.

    Examples: On page 26, you write ” putting his cell phone down.” The ING makes the action present progressive, to make it present, the proper way would have been “He sits and PUTS his cell phone down.” Puts rather than putting.

    On page 21 you wrote “parked his car” instead of “parks his car” When you add the ED to park, that makes the action past-tense, not present.

    These are just a few of the mistakes of present vs present progressive. Remember, if you add ING to a word, 99% of the time its incorrect.

    Another mistake is you write actions in parentheticals, like on page 2 when you write Ms. Rolstokovski woman writes in dialogue “checks her watch” instead of writing it as an action.

    The biggest mistake that is commonly made throughout the script is in the slug-lines. In scripts, you can ONLY write “Day” or “Night”. This script has many many sluglines that either don’t have “Day” or “Night” and are replaced with “Dawn” or “Several Weeks Later” or “Continuous.” If it takes place during dawn or dusk, you must write Day or Night, then in the description/action, write “the sun rises at dawn,” or “the sky gets dark as dusk sets in”. Something like that. In sluglines, you can only write Int or Ext, Location, Day or Night.

    Also, if you have a scene that takes place in a car, you must write “Int/Ext” letting us know we are in a street or neighborhood, but inside a car.

    For example, you should write “Int/Ext. James’ Car/City Street – Night” Not just “Int. James’ car – night”

    Also, In scripts, you cannot write what people are thinking, because we cant see that. You can only write what we see and hear. How do we know if a building has charm? How do we know if someones dream is coming true?

    On page 107, Ms. Rolstokovski says, “Aaah, yes!” when the proper way it should be written is “Ah, yes!” If a character is supposed to stretch a word, that is left up to the actor and director to discuss during filming. Think of it when a pirate says “Argh, Matey!” You don’t write “Aaaaaaargh Mateeeyyy!” So in this case you should simply write “Ah,” rather than “Aaah”.

    1 grammatical error I found was on page 20 under James’ dialogue you write him saying “Just staying focussed.” Focused is misspelled. There is only one S.

    FInal note, early scripts, especially in contests, should be written in MASTER SCREEN FORMAT, which is just what we see and hear. However, this script seems to be a mix of MASTER SCREEN FORMAT and SHOOTING SCRIPT – being a script with the shots written in. SHOOTING SCRIPTS are for later on after a script is sold and edited during pre-production. And shots should be left to a DP and Director.

    I hope these notes have been helpful and understood. These are only to help the writer, not put him down. Keep writing and best of luck as this is a good-hearted, hooky story, it just needs to be properly written and better polished.

    Just remember:

    NO THOUGHTS! JUST ACTIONS and DESCRIPTIONS. We cannot see or hear what people are thinking, again, unless its a voiced over monologue/narration.

    No more DAWN, MIDDLE OF THE DAY, CONTINUOUS, LATER THAT DAY etc. Only DAY or NIGHT. Write what time of say in the description, not the slug-line.

    If driving in a car, it must be both INT and EXT. Write who’s car it is, and where the car is located.

    And only write in the present, not past or present progressive. Write “sits” instead of “sitting” or “drives” instead of “driving” etc. I hope this helps as the writer is very talented. I just think this needs a good polishing to make it better.

    Cheers.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  14. Profile photo of
    says
    November 27, 2012, 10:34 pm

    meh.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  15. Profile photo of danac707
    danac707 says
    November 5, 2012, 4:29 pm
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    The first thirty pages are great. I felt like I was in the hands of a pro. Somewhere in act two it started to get predictable. This was also evidenced by the few typos and errors that were never there in the first 30. It also felt wrong that this all american small town boy would go so against his character. I was really locked into the characters and wanted to see them pushed but it just felt like they where pushed a bit wrong. I think it has great potential and the writer defintely talented.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  16. Profile photo of normanwilliam
    October 23, 2012, 4:51 am
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    Sexy and funny and some pretty damn good writing there!! Loved it.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  17. gregorj says
    October 22, 2012, 8:49 pm
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    Very good.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  18. wardparry says
    October 1, 2012, 5:06 pm
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    I read it in quick time, my enthusiasm for it spiked by the obvious relevance to James; that he like us all on here is a screenwriter. I love reading noirish tales of screenwriters going native in LA, and this was an enjoyable take. However, I felt like you emphasized the story narrative over strong characters.Whilst this felt like a purposeful ploy rather than a coincidental one, I feel your characters need work. As it stands, they feel superficial and I’m not sure should be there simply to satisfy the mechanics of structure. Whilst I was rooting for James, throughout, even after killing Iris, he felt on the nose. I’d love to see a less obvious perspective than the one you portray. Most, if not all, your characters felt cliche, lots of industry talk, and places to go. I’ve been to those parties and you would be surprised by how unglamorous they tend to be – I think that might have added a layer of nuance to your script. Something that would have caught James by surprise too. The glitter bashes in LA tend to be frequented by people who are chasing rather than who have already made it. Perhaps showing the elan alongside the crass might have made James wanted that life more than the fast cars and chicks in short skirts. I think you can afford to go in a more thinking man’s direction with this, rather than to satisfy the Entourage crew. WP

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  19. October 1, 2012, 1:03 pm
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    Amazing Script!

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  20. Profile photo of rcramer
    rcramer says
    September 16, 2012, 1:17 am
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    Bravo, very well written. Good characters, great story line, good twists and surprises. A really good read which is rare. Character driven, no special effects to speak of,  easy locations, could be shot for not a lot of money. I would pay full price to see this in theaters. It's beeter than a lot of films out there now.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
    Report user
  21. Profile photo of carmabob
    carmabob says
    September 13, 2012, 10:24 am
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    Hollywood’s seamy underbelly- Revealed!… Great Script!

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
    Report user
  22. Profile photo of sandramac
    sandramac says
    September 12, 2012, 12:50 pm
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    Classic Noir. Loved it! This script grabs you from the start.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
    Report user
  23. Profile photo of jjcj3113
    jjcj3113 says
    September 11, 2012, 11:35 pm
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    Overall this was a very good script. Very engaging story. An easy and fast read. Good job with that.

    I think there are a few things that can be done it make it better:

    1. Get rid of all the camera direction this takes us out of the story. Your job is to tell the story and let the director figure out all the other stuff.

    2. There is a too much exposition in the script, don’t tell show in action or dialog.

    This is just my opinion, take it or leave it. it’s still a great read!

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
    Report user
  24. Profile photo of lovendaisies
    September 11, 2012, 6:55 pm
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    The story drew me in from the beginning. I’ve been known to skip to the end with suspense stories but I’m so glad I didn’t with this one. I would have missed some great scenes.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
    Report user
  25. Profile photo of emayer
    emayer says
    September 11, 2012, 5:46 pm
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    Awesome.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
    Report user

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.