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Rating: 2.7/5 (2 votes cast)

Elephant Gun

Andrew Davis is facing execution, despite shaky evidence. In his final weeks he tries to apply for stays and appeals. Unfortunately, due to the extreme solitary and stress inmates suffer in death row, many suffer from memory loss and hallucinations, inhibiting them from recalling critical details of their cases. Andrew suffers a series of flashbacks and hallucinations that morph and change. As Andrew loses his grip on reality, the truth becomes foggy and no one can be certain of what really happened. This story is not a sermon against death row, but a moving and intimate tale about humanity. Exploring themes of doubt, love, the relationships between guards and inmates, it highlights the differences between living in an unbearable reality and escaping into a dream.

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  1. Profile photo of janhubbell
    janhubbell says
    September 23, 2012, 6:51 pm
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    The story and concept captivated my attention. The characters were well drawn and the drama was ramped up. You are dealing with an age old theme: injustice! I was particularly engaged during the scenes with Andrew and Felicity and Andrew and his wife. I actually thought the flashbacks added a lot of tension and intrique and were a key element in the story. As short as the script is, I can see many instances where the writing could be more succinct. Always use present tense: The music begins to play….becomes the “music plays.” Instead of “Wes is escorting Andrew to cell…:Wes escorts ANdrew…” etc….There are many places were the action lines need to be shorter. 4 lines is standard, then a paragraph break if you need to do 4 more….but that should be the max. Also, watch out for long lines of dialogue too….not too many. Interesting story…good luck!

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    jjcj3113 says
    September 23, 2012, 6:23 pm
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    This was a very short script. Only 75 pages, I think you should have pushed it further and gone deeper into your characters. You could have easily written 95-100 pages, that being said…

    I like the concept of the script, but the execution fell short, and I’m not talking about length at this point. I think the script would have been better served by telling it in the present instead of doing all the flashbacks which made it a little confusing and by doing so takes the reader out of the story.

    I was very confused as to who really gave the children the drug, it was very confusing the way the story was written. I didn’t get the ending at all. It was just very confusing in my opinion.

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