Dysfunction Junction
User Rating:
VN:RO [1.9.17_1161]
Overall
Concept
Story Structure
Character
Dialogue
Grammar
Budget (1-Low / 5-High)
Rating: 2.2/5 (3 votes cast)

Dysfunction Junction

Cousins Max and Jake returned home for an art show, stayed for a funeral and left with a family.

3 Comments

Leave A Reply
  1. Profile photo of rujo67
    rujo67 says
    October 5, 2017, 2:21 am
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    The story rambles. Too many characters. Plot not focused. doesn’t move forward fluently.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  2. July 14, 2013, 1:21 am
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    I agree that there are too many characters. Some times it is hard to remember who was who & where they fitted in the piece.
    A little more humerous dialogue between the cousins would lift it.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  3. ssabatino says
    June 11, 2013, 6:05 pm
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    Too many characters with too many lines. Unfortunately, your dialogue reads like your logline – flat. Figure out who your main character is and make him the center. Keep the action circling around him. Frankly, I don’t perceive the dysfunction. (I know a lot of people like these.) Kick it up several notches if this is to be a comedy. If you are married to this script, then you’ve got a lot of work to do. I’d scrap it and rewrite a whole new one using the alcoholic flight attendant angle. You might just have a funny story there.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.