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More like a science fiction film, might interest its audience
This sounds interesting. Seems like a good family adventure could come about.
I like it
interesting
Not very clear. Could have potential but not clear enough yet.
Too many words without really sayin anything. Could be good, but not judging by the current logline.
ET meets Goonies is just what I was thinking
Sounds cool and action-adverture worthy. I would work on the language in the logline – somewhat confusing.
A PG movie I assume. The logline is good enough to understand the concept but not written for tweens which I think is the potential audience.
I really like this logline. I only have a couple of suggestions. First, lose the word “young.” That is implied with “boy,” and, depending on who you talk to, could mean anywhere from the ages of 4 to 13. Also, if there could be some clarification (a word or two) about how the boy is transformed from withdrawn and forlorn to becoming the leader of the group. Did this happen unwillingly (on his part?) Did he transform via some event? I am sure that reading the script will clarify this, but if the logline isn’t totally clear than the chances of getting someone to read the script (based on the logline alone, which is how it happens a lot of the time,) goes down. A lot. BUT, that said, this is a really good logline. It gives me just enough information without giving too much away. It makes me interested. Nice job!!
I’m not so sure whether the title jives with the description, but I don’t think that’s necessarily a negative. I want to see it nonetheless. I can honestly say that, of the 10 or 15 loglines I’ve reveiwed so far, this is the best. I think it stands as is.
If I were to make any suggestions at all, they would
In *a* quest to build his own rocket, a withdrawn, forlorn {I’d use one or the other, not both} young boy *reluctantly leads* a band of misfits that {I might use “to” or “, and they”; I’d also consider using “who” instad of t”that,” though I believe it’s grammatically correct as it stands} investigate mysterious *activities at the* government facilities nearby.
That looks huge, so here’s the finished product:
In a quest to build his own rocket, a forlorn young boy reluctantly leads a band of misfits who investigate mysterious activities at the government facilities nearby.
n his quest to build his own rocket, a withdrawn, forlorn young boy becomes the leader of a band of misfits that investigate the mysterious government buildings nearby. Bla bla bla happens when they find that……………..
logline not complete enough.
…the mysterious *goings on* at the government buildings nearby. Or the *activity* perhaps.
Sounds like a movie the whole family can watch. I like!
I love this premise – but there seems a bit of contradiction in your logline – per the character. (withdrawn, forlorn) — but a leader. I think there is tremendous potential with this concept and think with maybe some minor tweaks, this will be a sought after read. Nice work!
In a quest to build his very own rocket. Maybe drop tone of the “his”
How about “reluctant leader”?
Very good logline. Sounds fun, funny and adventurous. These E.T. – Gonnies types of films are missed today. Finding non-jaded kid charactors is hard to come by. Nice job on the logline. Sums it all up.