Devil Bastard
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Rating: 3.6/5 (8 votes cast)

Devil Bastard

A cult of idiots summon Satan into our realm only to realize that he is a total dick and must be banished back to Hell.

2012 June LoglineFest Winner

Monologue: 97-98

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  1. May 13, 2016, 11:40 pm

    Where the F is this screenplay? I want to read it. NOW!!

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  2. April 16, 2013, 6:47 pm
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    ..

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  3. April 16, 2013, 6:46 pm

    This was pretty funny. I enjoyed the script.

    A bit long for a comedy yes, and other things such as tightening up characters, cutting down on dialog and what not come to mind..

    All in all, great, funny concept with lots of potential..

    Ron

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  4. Profile photo of ThroughMariaseyes
    December 16, 2012, 3:35 pm
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    In the first few pages of the script it failed to grab my attention. The dialog seems to be forced and predictable. If made cheaply enough though I am sure it could sell but never a teatrical release.

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    jeffsal says
    September 2, 2012, 2:43 pm
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    Very entertaining concept that has a good deal of potential. The teen-market would welcome this with open arms and you did a good job with the overall story. The script is a bit over the limit in terms of length, especially for a comedy. If you cut out some unneeded scenes and concentrate on just those that matter to drive the story, it will be a faster read. Perhaps trimming some dialogue may be the strategy as well. The relationship with the brother is a good source for Brett’s internal conflict, and you are overly expositive at the outset with each character. You can show it more as opposed to telling it. This will add to characters and their interraltionships with greater impact. Satan is very funny and there were a few moments where it felt like you could go even further and surprise us with the character during first two acts. His dialogue is great overall. Brett’s journey would be more effective in terms of arc if we get a better sense for how he perceives his world.

    The caps and some format could be worked on to improve the read which you want to be really fast, especially as a comedy. A bit of work with really improve the flow.

    I bet you will get a lot of interest and with some fine tuning industry reader will have very favorable reactions.

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    sethm says
    September 1, 2012, 8:44 pm
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    Great deal of potential and some funny moments. The reserval with Satan is great but I was hoping to see a little more dynamics with the characters as they drove action as opposed to responding to thimgs occurring. The conception of conjuring Satan seemed a little uninspired and that is you first act hook. Brett’s dialogue is good, and there are moments where it could be even sharper. You want your audience to connect with him. Like ability isna slight issue and could use somem work. Structurally, presenting things a bit more quickly will improve the narrative flow. This definitely has potential and could be very successful in the genre.

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  7. August 31, 2012, 11:39 am
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    Funny concept

    Odd formatting..lots of cap use….so what

    Pg. 3 If “No One says, Bless you,..”No one says a word” suffices…to reface it with “No one says bless you” is redundant…dont say it, show it with…”No one says a word”.:)

    Pg 5 “He knows where this is going”..dont say it..show cognitive processes w/gestures..”He rolls his eyes”..etc

    Pg 7 CAPPED dialogue?

    pg 7 “J-sus fuck me”..ouch…touchy..might wanna say”Jesus, kick me in the nuts” still funny,….less offensive to many

    pg 14…Hilarious dialogue!!! Great character development! LMAO!

    pg 17.”My brother that my parents ignore for no reason”..hahahaha

    pg 20 ROFL..arrival…nice timing…Beat sheet? Great!

    this is fucken funny!!!!!

    5 stars!!!!
    pg 22….lol..peeing my pants!!

    pg 24..um racy language..suck my demon bollocks…might be better than cock

    pg 35.”Youll lose 21 grams by shakin my hand”..great line

    The characters,, as cult members/ spell reciters are so funny..such wanna-be’s

    I love this brilliant , hilarious look at Hell, the Devil, crossing over, soul selling, damnation…Im still laughing my ass off!

    mission to take down Satan…hahahahaha

    Newscast: “Do not sleep w/ this man”…..Im sending you a bill for the pants I peed while laughing

    Jesus carries picture of his children and ID in his wallet,SAG card! Great, Trey! ! You’re a fantastic comedy writer!

    I love these characters taking on Satan..
    Nice Satan Azkaban switch…soe arratives still refer to himas Satan after admitting he’s Azkaban…

    Overall..great!

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    malakas says
    August 8, 2012, 4:30 pm
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    First of all, loved it! It was very entertaining with a great concept. While the writing style is very well done, the over all flow is a little bogged down with an out of balance act mix especially 2 and 3. While being dialogue intensive, which I personally like, I feel it could be leaned out a little more as a 125 page count for a comedy is widely considered to be excessive.

    Over all the writing style flows well and is funny without being gratuitously vulgar. The only thing I would change about that is maybe reduce the capitalizations in the descriptors as capping every single prop and sound really burdens the reader of a spec script. Save that for the shooting script and only cap the really inportant ones and it will read a bit easier.

    As others have mentioned, it could use a little more character development (although it wasn’t severely lacking by any means) especially WRT Grace. Perhaps inject a little more sexual tension between her and Brett at all phases of their relationship and plot points. The audience identifies with Brett anyway as the protag, so make them really want to bang Grace, especially through Brett’s growth arc as he learns to get out of his own way and starts to fall for her, which could also be emphasised a bit more.

    This is a VERY pitchable concept that can be made well at pretty much any budget level as well as from PG to R with slight tweaks, so it can be a tremendous asset to your portfolio either way. Lean out the page count a bit and buff the character dev as well as the Brett/Grace dynamic and possibly backstory and this is something that I could really see being bought and made.

    In any case, I really enjoyed it and love your over all writing style.

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  9. Profile photo of christopherandre25
    July 18, 2012, 7:02 pm
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    I love the idea of this story! The twist at the end of the story was very funny. There are only a couple of little things that I would say about the script.

    First When the boys summon the Devil, what where they expecting to happen? I think it would be funny, but this is just an opinion if the one of the boys at least had a feeling that really bad shit would happen.

    Some of the characters by into the fact that it is Satan too easily.

    At the end of the script it gets a little confusing because there is Satan and Satan in the script.

    Very good concept. Good Job :)

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      treyert3 says
      July 25, 2012, 9:59 pm

      Thank you for checking it out. I agree with your points and am currently in the middle of plotting a new draft were hopefully all that will be dealt with.

      Again, thank you for the kind words and helpful critiques.

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    lex86 says
    July 17, 2012, 3:45 am
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    Very entertaining! very funny! if I’m forced to pick holes though, the only thing i would comment on is it seems a little underdeveloped in terms of character (brett) at the moment, but only because it needs one more draft! make sure that Brett stays consistant- I can see why you have written him the way you have, because he really doesnt have much meaning in his life, which can come across as inconsistant. But, given this is a straight up comedy, my advice would be don’t delve too far into his psyche! good luck and good work! : )

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      treyert3 says
      July 17, 2012, 5:58 pm

      Thank you very much for taking the time to read it! I appreciate your feedback!

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