Deviants
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Rating: 3.3/5 (5 votes cast)

Deviants

A man gets his hand on a device from a magical man and somehow opens up a world with 2 girls’ (Shae and Annie) created characters, Silvia and Violet. Silvia design: http://masked-gamer.deviantart.com/art/SD-Wallpaper-Silvia-502389900
Violet design: http://assassin–knight.deviantart.com/art/Kirby-FC-Violet-Reference-292216404

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    1. Profile photo of Pasquali
      Pasquali says
      July 15, 2015, 5:25 pm
      Overall
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      Hook

      A little vague, plus I would eliminate the use of the four names as it makes it too wordy — and the names aren’t important/essential in a logline.

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    2. Profile photo of Elijahd
      Elijahd says
      April 19, 2015, 4:37 pm

      Does need some more thought

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    3. Profile photo of Elijahd
      Elijahd says
      April 19, 2015, 4:36 pm
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      Could be an interesting work

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    4. Profile photo of OlgaDonskaya
      January 28, 2015, 12:40 am

      Sorry, but where is the plot? What happen with this heroes?

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    5. Profile photo of Cookies23
      Cookies23 says
      January 10, 2015, 8:19 pm
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      Sounds interesting.

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    6. toojazzy says
      December 30, 2014, 12:11 pm

      Oops! Hit send before I had written.

      The definition of Deviants is describes is action or behavior that violates social norms, including formally enacted rules. You’d be hard pressed to get a mom or girl scout leader to take a bunch of girls to see a movie called Deviants. Recommend you change the title or the genre from family with the description of Frozen or similar Disney movies.

      A good solid log line has protagonist, antagonist, goal/conflict and what’s at stake if the s/he does not achieve their goal.

      This is a lame example…I know :-)
      A sad prince opens a magic door to a kingdom made of candy and finds two girls are trapped inside the tower. He must rescue the girls or they may be turned into candy by their captors.

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    7. December 28, 2014, 2:14 pm
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      Hook

      I would have to say the story has most potential and the hook is very obscure. Overall, it would be a pretty nice concept.

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