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I would have rated this better had it been a single line. sorry, I believe a logline should be one line. But the story potential hooked me right away. I would like to see this produced.
Logline needs to be stronger, but it did pique my interest enough to consider the story could be interesting.
Interesting story plot but the logline tells the whole story and there is no need to see whole film.
I see a great story here even though the logline is a bit confusing …. waaaaay too much going on here.
Needs work but how about:
When her father cages her and her estranged mother together in his basement, meth-addict, Sam, must convince someone on the other end of her backup cell phone that she and her mother are worth saving.
This sounds absurd – and I mean that literally. If the genre was horror or thriller it would make sense, but as a drama – trying to force someone to love another by locking them in CAGES in a BASEMENT???
To much to absorb. Not sure how this is would be a Theatrical feature, feels more like a TV movie.
Thanks everyone. Your reviews are great.
This is a curious blend of Boxing Helena and Requiem for a Dream. The logline can be much cleaner, and is confusing as to who your actual protagonist is right now. Is it Sam? Or Jenny? Make sure the logline states your protagonist and then provides a clear dramatic line for the story.
I like the idea of the story, but there are too many words in the logline and it is kind of “jumpy” when I read it. Ha Ha. Meth joke. No, not really. Just free-flow thought while I read loglines on my lunch break at work…
ANYHOO, try ditching the names and you could begin with something like “A heartbroken father locks his meth addict daughter and her estranged mother in cages to…” and then tag the end with a hook that maybe I, as a reader, wasn’t expecting. I would expect him to try to get them to reconcile or “fix” his family and stuff like that. OR, end with the locking in cages. That is pretty unexpected. “In a desperate attempt to reconcile his family, a heartbroken father locks his meth addict daughter and her estranged mother in cages.” Just throwing out some ideas for you. But I’ll bet you can get it down to 25 or 30 words.
Force her mo to love her? I’d like to see a tease on outcome in logins
@writersam. It says… “and try and force her mom to love her”. The key word is “try”. Yes, this will be a difficult feat for Sam. I appreciate your review friend.
Sounds like a good story that can be played well. The logline describes the story but it needs something about moms feelings to define her role.
A concerned father snaps and locks his meth-addict daughter and her estranged mother in a cellar cage to clean up and make amends.
This is just my take on it. Use it or tweak it if you like.
Sounds like “Hardcore” meets “Boxing Helena” with all the imprisonment and Father/daughter drama… Nicholas Cage could star. – Kidding…
I agree that the tense should remain present tense.
If Sam is the (antihero) maybe one sentence is doable:
Sam, heartbroken over his daughter Jenny’s meth addiction, locks her and her estranged Mother in cages to get Jenny clean and force her Mom to love her.
This sounds very interesting. But you should not use future tense in the logline. Try to get it down to one line and you will have a far stronger logline. The premise sounds very compelling.