The Three Furies
Three women, leaders in the United States government, take on the task of saving the environment.
Death Perception
Jason Levich, a top counterterror operator coping with the death of his estranged father, is tasked with recovery of a stolen top-secret device that is capable of generating an artificial gravity field, one of which has already been used to bring down a building in New York City–only to discover that he is really being used as bait to lure his mortal enemy, Hassan Kadiri, into the open. Now, as the clock ticks down toward a second catastrophe, America’s top covert warriors engage in a frantic game of hide and seek with a deadly cell of highly motivated terrorists.
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The hook leaves you with too many questions. I think as others have said, trimming the logline a bit would be beneficial. Maybe loose the “gravity field” bit and just say “top secret device” that way you don’t risk people bumping on “what is the gravity field” since that’s not what the story is really about.
Always been a fan of action that includes a specially trained operative, and this one seems to have a nice twist. Curious to read the screenplay.
Great potential, but – as many pointed out already – the logline could use some cutting.
This really needs to be leaned out a lot. It sounds like Mission Impossible meets Bourne Identity, so it could be really cool, but the logline itself needs work and condensing big time.
Sorry, forgot to rate. (BTW, the title sounds a bit dramatic and gloomy).
This is a synopsis! Sounds like it could be interesting and thrilling, though. Nice idea.
It’s a logline competition. Write a logline
I agree: not even a log line, it’s so looong… Your second sentence starting with “Now” should have been a tip-off.
But the title the best I’ve come across in a while…unless this is like when someone says “Butt Naked” and they mean “Buck Naked”.
More a synopsis than a logline. The story is intriguing and has the potential to be a fantastic script if told well. Shorten the logline and get to the point. Let the movie posters tell the story that’s the fluff in your synopsis. I’d see it.
This is not a logline; it’s a synopsis. A logline needs to be no more than one or two sentences–three at the very most. Because it’s so short, it has to be extremely tight. You’ll need to get rid of a lot of info., starting with the characters’ names. They’re irrelevant. You’re selling the overall feeling, not the detail. I imagine the fallout from his estranged father’s death is a subplot, so you don’t need to mention it now. How the device works is not necessary. Also, use compelling verbiage.
Here’s my suggestion:
A top counterterrorism expert must recover a stolen device from a deadly cell of highly motivated terrorists before they destroy more of New York’s monolithic buildings.
Or, instead of “a deadly cell of highly motivated terrorists,” you could use “his mortal enemy.”
“Frantic game of hide and seek” is a great phrase. Use that in your tagline.
The story, though not all that original, does have potential.
I’d go see it by the log line. Intriguing!
shorten logline, but good
A top counterterror operator is tasked with the recovery of a stolen top-secret device that is capable of generating an artificial gravity field, which has already been used to bring down a New York City building.
Your original logline is quite lengthy and really provides a lot of information we don’t need. Save some of the twists for the screenplay and give us only the dramatic essence of the story. Further, does it really have to be a NY building. Hasn’t that been done already? Not every terrorist scheme has to be a NY building. Why not the White House? A Nuclear Plant? Hoover Dam?
This sounds very interesting. The logline is a bit too long and covers a lot of detail that may be uneeded. Feels almost more like a short synopsis – than a compelling logline. But the premise sounds fantastic!
Sounds complex. That’s cool. A little like the show 24. That’s cool. I see a lot of potential if this is done like a 1970′s type of film format with that intense 24 acting. Good logline, long, but good.
This could be a tv series!