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Not enough compelling information. This needs more and something to indicate genre or the spirit of the film in mind.
Logline is catchy but a but more detail, e.g. as to who the “people” are or what the struggle will look like. As it stands, I wouldn’t expect anything too original about the movie. Could you make me a bit more curious?
Need specifics. Is he carrying something back from the war with him? Is it the enemy, or his fellow soldiers, or some domestic group that is after the McGuffin? I need a hook, stat!
The last part needs to be changed. It doesn’t seem to fit. If you rework that part it will be 100 times stronger
Keep “The story of a returning soldier, the woman he loves” – then rework the rest.
This needs to be restructured a bit – but the premise sounds great and there is a great logline in here. Make it pop as original. Perhaps something more about characters and conflict.
As the logline is structured at the start, the phrase at the end does not work for me: “and the people who will kill to take what is theirs.” Specifics needed about “the people”, and the property or reasons for which they will kill.
This logline does not give me an overall feel for the movie. This logline does not grab my attention.
I think the twist at the end of the logline drawls me in. “The people who will kill to take what is theirs”.
Whilst the story sounds interesting, this isn’t a logline – it’s more a tagline for a poster.
Seen this several times. What’s the twist to intice me to want to watch? Put that in the logline so I know it’s a new twist and whet my appitite.