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Rating: 3.6/5 (11 votes cast)

Crash Pad

A balls out yet meaningful romantic comedy highlighting the extreme juxtaposition between expectations and reality in one of the most prestigious professions in the world: the commercial airline pilot.

Monologue:  Pages 86, and 87-89

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  1. Profile photo of nutty
    nutty says
    January 31, 2013, 11:34 pm
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    Had its moments, interesting world you have created, but a bit too much potty humor for my taste…

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      malakas says
      April 5, 2013, 4:00 pm

      yeah too bad that kind of humor like NEVER sells.

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    AceRodney says
    January 30, 2013, 1:14 pm
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    I really liked this screenplay and would add that if any of it portrays the actual goings-on at these crashpads that airline pilots and stewardesses use, I’m in the wrong line of work (refrigeration calibration)! Your script does a good job of showing the “glitz behind the grunt” of the work while giving the motley crue of crashpadders(?) a lot of heart in the process. I was surprised that the technical aspects of your script (the cockpit dialogue and nomenclature) didn’t weigh down the script or fly to far over my head as so often happens in scripts with a technical side to them. Also, you really seemed to have the three-act concept down cold, so structurally, the script was solid and played well in my head. Funny, balanced mix of characters, too!!

    Well done and I wish you the best of luck in your future writing endeavors. Crashpad 2??

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      malakas says
      January 31, 2013, 3:43 pm

      Thanks! Ha, not sure about a sequel, although I’ve contemplated a “prequel” chronicling the life of the up and coming main characters prior to that point. Its securely on the back burner for now but something to consider. Glad you liked it!

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    malakas says
    January 27, 2013, 2:00 am
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    Giggity!

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    rkwok says
    January 25, 2013, 3:41 pm
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    The script has a good though predictable structure. While not knowing much about the airline industry, I suppose the writer has managed to translate the experience and the talk quite well. I am afraid the toilet humor doesn’t really do it for me. It is all a bit Porky”s and cliched.

    A couple of more detailed things:

    P17 annalist should be analyst
    P28 per se
    P37 aisle
    Keggers who is over 30 is a serial masturbator???
    I doubt whether you will have Man U and LIverpool hooligans fighting in a Dublin pub: wrong spot; the Irish love rugby

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      malakas says
      January 27, 2013, 1:48 am

      Thanks for the technical corrections. FWIW, I know more than one over 30 year old “serial masturbators”. Its really not that rare. YMMV. And have you ever been to Dublin? All you see are Liverpool and ManU colours. The city is like 5 minutes away from both towns by air and the fan bases of each are absolutely massive there. Walking the streets and crawling the pubs of Dublin is where I got the idea for that scene. And I made sure Liverpool were the good guys, because, well, ManU sucks! LOL!

      As for the potty humor, its cool if you don’t like that kind of thing. Different strokes, amirite? But don’t knock a screenplay in general for differences in genre like that. Millions like the raunchy comedy. If you don’t that’s cool, but plenty of movies have done VERY well with every bit as vulgar or more so than what this one had in it.

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  5. ssabatino says
    December 6, 2012, 9:48 pm
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    This script is rife with cliché and teenage boy humor. It’s pretty bad, and I don’t mean that in a good way. By page 50, there was absolutely no action taking place, unless you want to count disgusting bathroom visuals, which exploit women, and the too-often mentioned masturbation attempts. Oh, and let’s not forget to mention the piles of toenail clippings – one more time! Rule: Don’t repeat yourself. If you can’t write more than 3 jokes, then don’t attempt writing comedy.
    It is difficult to write for an ensemble cast. The reason for the many parts is to show a diversity of characters. You have too many “like” characters. Do you understand? Ian is your ground wire – your “straight man.” He doesn’t need to be funny – but the rest of the cast DOES! Alas, they are not. Your characters are so underdeveloped, that they virtually disappear on the page. (You can do without most of them.) You use the action paragraphs to tell us who they are and what they think and do, rather than give them funny dialogue. Speaking of dialogue, where are the jokes? I thought this was a comedy. I’m not laughing.
    By the way, there are MANY punctuation and spelling errors, which are annoying at this level of the competition.

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      malakas says
      January 27, 2013, 1:56 am

      Thanks for the slam bro. Its clear you don’t like these kinds of movies. More power to you. But they do quite well in the marketplace, I can assure you. And this one has won several awards and counting in major screenplay competitions like Beverly Hills, LA Film and Script as well as here in addition to being requested and currently under review by 2 major agencies and a top tier production company. So even if you don’t personally like it you may want to give your review criteria a gut check because you are slamming things that are actually fairly well recieved among broad based audiences. You might want to break your tunnel vision and broaden your horizons. If you are going to peer review people’s work you really need to be able to look past your own limitations. I fart in your general direction, sir. Good day.

      I said Good Day!

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  6. Profile photo of sweetladykat
    November 27, 2012, 8:44 pm

    Fantastic screenplay! Loved it!

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      malakas says
      January 27, 2013, 1:58 am

      Thanks so much! If you have time could you please review it in the stars section? Thanks!

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  7. Profile photo of sweetladykat
    November 27, 2012, 8:39 pm

    Excellent Play. Very well written!

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      malakas says
      January 27, 2013, 1:59 am

      Thank you! If you could review it in the star rating section I’d appreciate it!

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    jeffsal says
    September 3, 2012, 12:39 pm

    Score for comments.

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      malakas says
      September 4, 2012, 8:06 pm

      You should only hit submit once. Now I’m going to have to charge your credit card twice. 😉

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    September 2, 2012, 3:26 pm
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    Couldn’t be a truer story line, The characters are great, and very representative to the industry.

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      malakas says
      September 4, 2012, 8:05 pm

      Wow thanks! Glad you really liked it. I tried to put the most effort into building good characters and hearing that has been the best part of all the feedback.

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    jeffsal says
    August 31, 2012, 5:51 pm

    Funny script with some great moments and lots of laughs. The potty cam was very funny and I enjoyed the journey of your lead character, Ian. It would be nice to see him be more proactive in terms of achieving his goals to make his arc strong. There could be a bit more about his true motivations and desires to become a pilot. This would make the situation and his choices even more powerful. You do a good job with description. This would make a great movie. A bit more attention on the characters and you will have a really strong script.

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      malakas says
      September 1, 2012, 12:53 pm

      Thanks! Glad you liked it and I’ll definately take your advice for any rewrites.

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  11. August 22, 2012, 11:34 am
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    I friggin’ loved this script. I thought that the language was well used and helped flavor the script. I think that this script would make a hilarious movie.

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      malakas says
      September 1, 2012, 12:57 pm

      Thanks so much! Its very rewarding to hear that after all the work on grammar, plot points, growth arcs, act balance and all that, people just enjoy it. Even better is saying it would make a great movie. I always hope people enjoy what I write, but its still humbling when they actually do.

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    mark123 says
    August 11, 2012, 12:37 pm
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    Funny script. Took a little while to get used to the dialogue and the dirty humor, but there is certainly a large audience for that. This was a good read and you have a polished style that flows well. Your crazy b-story characrters Kweef etc are hysterical but seem to onoly want the same thing and don’t really ramp up as strongly as they could maybe. If there were higher stakes associates with their hijunks, it could help.

    Ian is a good character. This definitely has an “Airplane” quality. His being torn by what decision to make and the forces pushing him in different directions is very well done. His character, however needs to come alive a bit more. The decisions are hard, but how he deals with that is a little flat.

    This could be a great male-demographic big screen movie. I never knew what “crash pads” were, or at least you take the definition so much further and put your stamp on it in a very original way. Very entertaining script. Congratulations.

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      malakas says
      September 1, 2012, 1:00 pm

      Thanks for the read and the great feedback. I’ll definately keep that in mind for any rewrites. I’m glad you enjoyed it!

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    sethm says
    August 8, 2012, 2:27 pm
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    Congratulations on a good comedy with great potential.
    Great opening – drama and excitement mix with the comedy. Well done!
    Would Ian say “souls”?  Seems a little morbid. You jump right to the drug test – could have extra moment of drama on the plane for a stronger transition.  

    Dialogue is sharp and generally very strong. You have a nice descriptive style.  The read is clean and not overly indulgent in description. There is a bit over over exposition in the first act that seems like it could be trimmed a bit Muhhamad and Kweef installing the bathroom cam is great.  The juvenile language definitely is going to hit your market (although it will blow some people’s minds about the crudeness of flight personnell – like Superbad meets Airplane).  

    The crude humor definitely is going to hit your target audience.

    Ian seems to be completely driven by others, could be more active, rather than everyone else calling the shots for him.  His story (and notion of his decision) is also explained to several people, gets repetitive. His character should be developing, not repeating exposition. The stakes with his resignation are good, although could have come earlier in act two – that would have carried better for an even bigger raise at the end of the act.  Structurally, this may work better.  His development is okay with the experience with Cat, and it does well to arc his character.  His big mistake is good. Mulhauser saving him is okay, but it would be better if he somehow saved himself. But, you do a good with his character.  

    Ultimately, you did a great job with this script!

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      malakas says
      August 8, 2012, 4:36 pm

      Thanks, all really good points!

      WRT “soul” that is actually industry standard (albeit old school) terminology still in use today.

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        sethm says
        August 8, 2012, 5:23 pm

        I figured it may be. Just seemed a little weird, so I mentioned it. Best of luck with this. You’ve got a really cool story!

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    jusork says
    August 7, 2012, 9:12 pm
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    Very smooth descriptions and dialogue. I can see it easily and I’m jealous of how effortless it seems. You say what you need to say. It’s a familiar tone but also brings it’s own through the meld of different characters and situations.

    I especially commend ya’ll on your descriptions, and when to bring them in, which are detailed and interesting but you’ve clearly kept in mind that the most important thing is that all details should contribute to telling us more about the character (or the environment). I get a clearer understanding of your characters because you enhance them with your details instead of just throwing random details on them.

    Some suggestions, I think it’d benefit the story to add even more about his dream to be a pilot. But also more on him as a character, how he thinks and what he wants (besides being a pilot). This will flesh him out more which never hurts.

    Although it’ll be tough to cut it down, you might also try having less on side characters that don’t tie into the main character. At times feels like an ensemble, which is okay, but don’t
    loose focus of the main character, who is most important in this story. Muhammad and Kweef are especially independent of the story while still being featured prominently. You could probably deal with cutting a few minor scenes of theirs, especially the really small ones like trying to find the VHS tape.They reminded me a lot of the two guys in the movie Sex Drive who think they’re awesome but actually aren’t. You might look at how they are as side characters.

    Just watch out for your word choices and making sure your action is clear. There were a few times where you could’ve included some extra information, like someone is speaking into a phone or should probably have a certain expression.
    Make sure all people, minor or major, single or groups, are all-capped when you introduce them.
    Even though it fizzled out, I liked Cat’s unintentional double entendres. They were funny.

    My one big confused moment was when Keggers tries to masturbate in the bathroom but ends up fighting the soccer fans. The only thing I could think of was that he was made that they messed up his chance.
    Mindy trying to find out info about her husband happened really fast, as if it was all she came for. Was that actually her main mission? If so you might establish that better early in that scene.
    At the end, you say Keggers is going to Cincinnati. Did I miss what he was going there for or what happened?
    You say a scene is ‘mos.’ Maybe it’s a script term but I didn’t know what it meant. Moment of silence? Not sure.

    When Ian is getting ready to fax his letter, he’s asked at least three or four times if he’s sure and he says basically the same thing. Can he maybe say something else, perhaps something that will get into his head better. What other things is he weighing? What else does he feel?
    “but something is tearing him up inside.” You say vague descriptions like this only few times but they could be more descriptive. If you’re trying to be intentionally open, you might say it differently. In the end though, I had no idea what exactly he was unsure about.

    Finally, I felt like the ending maybe happened a little too easily. His realization moment was pretty small, especially when it came to realizing he should really be with Cat. I think we could’ve got more development; of Mulhauser talking with Ian or with his Dad. Gavin definitely turned around pretty easily after seeing his son’s picture.

    Overall though, good job.

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      malakas says
      August 8, 2012, 4:48 pm

      All good points, some of which I was already taking into account for (yet another!) rewrite, and others I will seriously consider incorporating. I definately could write phone conversations a little better. I’ll work on that.

      Keggers was going to Cincinnati because he took that new cargo job that is based there, along with Autumn. Ian went another route, despite the short term setbacks, to faciliate his long term career goals as well as his romantic goals right now.

      MOS is script terminology for “without sound”. It came from some German director who would say “mid out sound” with his accent and MOS became industry standard script speak for that. While still in use today, its probably not as automatically recognizable as it once was.

      Anyway thank you so much for reading it, enjoying it and for the great coverage!

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  15. mikeyz says
    July 19, 2012, 3:26 pm
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    Never even new what a Crash Pad was until now … crazy stuff!
    Little crude and heavy handed with the potty cam toilet/sex humour but did find it wildly amusing … in a disturbing sort of way! Didn’t know airline guys were that perverted!
    Loved the juxtaposition between airline politics, the economy and personal relationships as well and how it all came together.
    Was routing the whole way for Ian and Cat … glad it worked out in the end!
    Overall, very nicely done!

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      malakas says
      August 8, 2012, 4:38 pm

      Thank you so much! Yeah I debated how far to go with some of the stuff but in the end decided to just air it out and go for it. Thanks for reading and I’m humbled you enjoyed it!

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