Condominium Suite 1309 More Images
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Condominium Suite 1309

Martin Cooper and his family moves to Miami into condominium suite 1309 only to find that it is haunted by it’s dark past residences.

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  1. roknsrf says
    May 13, 2015, 9:41 pm
    Overall
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    Story Structure
    Character
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    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    This is a great story and very chilling. It has many proof-reading opportunities, mostly mis-worded sentences, but they could not detract from the excellent concept of this horror story in the classic style. I would recommend adding to the 3rd act, at 88 pages there are least 12 more pages available to more fully develop the demise of the Cooper family. However, I would not change anything else. Great job Ray.

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    • Profile photo of raydavenport
      May 14, 2015, 7:22 am

      Hey thanks roknsrf,

      Sorry about that, I ran out of ideas for the story, I wasn’t completely satisfied with the ending myself, but I ran out of ideas.

      That is another reason why I posted this script to this site, more than one pair of eyes reading it, to me the whole thing looks good, but I could be wrong, that’s why I need someone like you reading it.

      When I wrote is script, I thought it to be the SPOOKIEST film ever with all the spooky shit going on in one apartment suite, but I could be wrong about that too, I wrote it in a week.
      Let me ask you, which one is the most horrifying story;

      THE HOSTEL X or CONDOMINIUM SUITE 1309?

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      • Profile photo of RutgerOosterhoff
        May 14, 2015, 1:27 pm

        You could also post it on simplyscripts.com . You have to comment on some other scripts before they will comment on your script, but that’s the way it always goes. I would like to read it but because of family problems I’m having a complete meltdown right now. So give me some time.

        PS: it looks like you’re writing to much, don’t burn out!

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        • Profile photo of raydavenport
          May 14, 2015, 8:47 pm

          Thanks Rutger, I will keep that in mind! I just like to write and perfect my craft of screenwriting. Everyday I come up with a good new story. I’m a prolific writer.

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      • roknsrf says
        May 15, 2015, 12:11 am

        Honestly Ray, they’re two completely different kinds of horror scripts. Hostel X is so creepy in a very sickening kind of way. It makes one feel as if they know they should not be watching this but just can’t look away, if you get my meaning. It’s real life horror because it requires no suspension of disbelief. It could really happen. I think if I saw it on film, I would be extremely disturbed by it for years. As it is, just reading it has left a deep imprint on my psyche. On the other hand, CS 1309 is a totally scary, scooch back as far as you can in your seat, and cover your eyes classic horror film in the vain of House of the Ushers, or Polanski’s Repulsion. In fact, I get a Polanski vibe from a lot of your writing. But, the big difference is CS 1309 requires the reader to suspend disbelief, and therefore allows them to breath in and leave the horror of it behind, so they can enjoy and reflect on the craft and artistry of it as they leave the theater. No long term brain melting torture. Now don’t get me wrong, I think there’s a great deal to be said for being able to create a script that F-ing disturbing. I think back to Salo or even Deliverance, and in my mind Hostel X rates right up there with those classics. You know while where on the subject, Night at the Biscayne Motel is also a great story that has equal parallel classics, and I say that to say that you have a gift for coming up with great stories. Now, these stories need crisp and clean dialogue all of the time, not just 3/4s of the time, and then they need the occasional moment of real spectacular dialogue, I mean true Hitchcock or Polanski type of dialogue. Not only that, but your stories deserve crisp and clean action scenes 100% of the time as well. Then they all need to be error free, and I don’t mean formatting, I’m talking about grammar, spelling, and miss worded sentences. Why, because these issues are what is separating you from the greats, and you could be one of the greats. You just need to sit down and read each line of your work out loud and hear how it sounds in your ears, imagine how it will sound to your audience. This is an exercise that has helped many of the greatest writers perfect their craft. And don’t be afraid to read the scripts of some of the great wordsmiths like Hitchcock, Woody Allen, Favreau (hell, nearly all of the things written for Vince Vaughn), or even Tarentino. Remember all the quotable lines from Pulp Fiction? Your scripts need these moments of memorable dialogue in order to make the characters who say them memorable. The kinds of words that make characters impossible to forget. I hope I have encouraged you to take your scripts to the level these great stories make them capable of. I’m telling you Ray, believe me when I say I’m convinced you have the talent to do so.

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        • Profile photo of raydavenport
          May 15, 2015, 9:03 pm

          Hey Roknsrf, thanks so much!

          I am a big fan of Polanski, his greatest works in my opinion – THE NINTH GATE and ROSEMARY’S BABY.

          I am a big fan of Hitchcock, his greatest works in my opinion – FRENZY, PSYCHO, and THE BIRDS.

          I am a big fan of Kubrick, his greatest works in my opinion – CLOCKWORK ORGANGE, EYES WIDE SHUT, FULL METAL JACKET, THE SHINING (not to mention THE MOON LANDING)

          But all of those things you mentioned that should be in my scripts as far as dialogue is in my script titled: CYNICAL CIRCLE. Before I wrote BISCAYNE MOTEL, CYNICAL CIRCLE was developed to compete or supercede PULP FICTION by Tarantino which was his greatest work besides KILL BILL, INGLORIOUS BASTARDS, JACKIE BROWN and RESERVOIR DOGS.

          But your comment – LOL! about what you said about THE HOSTEL X, I applaud you for being able to read the whole script, out of all the people that read the script, you and one other person was able to read the entire script (RUTGER). Everybody else couldn’t get pass page 38, 40 or 50, after they read – GAME ONE – they called it quits, LOL!

          But overall I will keep trying to perfect my writing craft, thanks again for the comment and rating.

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