Compensation

I had trouble working out precisely what this screenplay is about. While I think there is a good story in there somewhere, it is yet to manifest in the current version. In other words, what is the hook? What is it that the writer is really trying to say? What is it about these characters that will intrigue me and cause me to react to them (whether its empathy, anger, sadness, fear or whatever)? What is the journey we are going on with these characters – how have they changed from the start of the screenplay to the end? What the screenplay is ‘about’ at the moment is too broad. And I’m not sure the broad concept is enough to sustain the read. At present the screenplay is a collection of events and dialogue with insufficient building of tension and insufficient building of scenes – highs, lows, turmoil, testing, redemption, discovery etc along the way. Also, some of the conversations between characters are really very long, for instance at the train station with Necdet Kent. This makes the screenplay quite laboured in places as it restates an impression or understanding that we have already obtained. Perhaps this is a result of the writer having a very clear vision in their mind as to how a scene ‘should’ look. I know that I sure am prone to that! Less focus on how the scene should ‘look’ and more on how it should ‘build’ would help. Instead of the writer thinking about what they want us to see, they could think more about what it is they want to make us feel. Because all that said, I think there is a great story in there waiting to be uncovered.