Checking Out, Checking In More Images
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Rating: 3.4/5 (2 votes cast)

Checking Out, Checking In

A successful but disillusioned reality TV producer loses his shows, his wife, his car and his father in one week, causing him to Check Out of life and Check In to a nursing home at age 36. While there, he finds inspiration from the colorful residents and learns that trusting the wrong people and not himself was his true failure.

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  1. roknsrf says
    March 26, 2015, 6:51 pm
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    First off, congratulations on making it into the finals, and it’s easy to see why with this script. Wow, I just thoroughly enjoyed this story, and what an appropriate title. I especially liked the protagonist’s character arch, really Top – notch. Great characters with solid dialogue. So much good stuff here that it’s hard to find much to critique. There is the usual proofreading opportunities, but if I had to ask for one thing more from the script, it would be to have a little more feel good finality after the ending. Like maybe seeing everyone at work in the new network, Harvey delivering some hard hitting truth story ending, and then going to a commercial for a solid honest sponsor, then back to a feel good story. Maybe on how care homes might have a bad rep or are thought of as just a place to pass the time until their residents die, “but one care home is making a difference.” Now show the “new wing” on the 3rd floor of Stanley’s place maybe showing Junior playing guitar, or teaching young kids guitar, and the other old guys doing something significant for the community, maybe promoting a project they put together for raising funds for wounded warriors etc. Saul showing young artisans how to market their jewelry, stuff like that with the theme of, “just because seniors are past their prime doesn’t mean they can’t still make a valuable contribution to the world.” I don’t think 120 pages is too long for this story, and that would give you 9 more pages to end this thing with a real feel good complete closure ending. Nevertheless, it’s an awesome script, and I wish you the best of luck.

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      raindjs says
      March 27, 2015, 8:26 am

      Thanks much for the kind words. I’m glad you enjoyed the script. Your suggestions about the ending are great, and you’re right, the length was what kept me from going there. Now I want to add exactly that.

      Thanks again- praise is hard to come by, so it’s appreciated.

      David

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  2. Profile photo of marsed.harizi
    December 9, 2014, 6:51 am
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    Overall I think this story is above the average. It has the right potential to be put on the screen.

    I like the title. I believe that the first impression anyone in the writing business make is linked with the “sound of the title”. The title reflects precisely what is going on with Harvey’s life. His father got sick. He discovers that his partner KEN is sleeping with his wife, because she has been unhappy for years. His TV show blow.

    All the details are thrown across the story in a linear path. It looks a bit rigid but it works and I find the ending very smart.

    Good Luck on the competition!!!

    Marsed

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