Belief
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Rating: 3.1/5 (4 votes cast)

Belief

A young man’s chance encounter with a mysterious woman on the run pulls him into a high stakes chase; his resourcefulness and resolve will determine the fate of both the woman and the world.

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  1. Profile photo of normanwilliam
    October 25, 2012, 1:57 am
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    There is enough here to get me excited to see a movie like this. Yes the script isn’t perfect but I don’t judge on perfection. It would make an amazing movie!

    Well done.

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  2. wardparry says
    October 16, 2012, 8:55 pm
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    This is an eminently entertaining yarn. The future as idylic utopia heading for disaster is a path well trodden but this feels like a dirty and gritty District 9 rather than the stylized chaos of Equilibrium. I am surprised by your choice of film references as neither felt relevant to me when reading.
    It will appeal to the younger crew which makes this commercial right off the bat. It reads in a heartbeat thanks to sparse and economical description and action, and conceptually it’s really interesting.

    Couple of points to consider, both revolve around character.

    1. All your characters speak in the same tone. There isn’t a huge amount of texture and vocal characterization to the people.
    2. Brody seems much older than he is. He talks like a 35 year old, wise cracking hero. Bringing in a less wise and more innocent introspection in his process may really support where you’re going with this.

    Good luck. WP

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    • Profile photo of handsomefatman
      October 17, 2012, 7:18 pm

      Many thanks for the review and suggestions!

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    • Profile photo of handsomefatman
      October 18, 2012, 6:03 pm

      Re: the film references:

      Yeah, when I entered and was presented this question I didn’t really know what two films to put. I though of dude whisking girl away (Aladdin) and fighting things (Scott Pilgrim).

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  3. dtbiello says
    October 12, 2012, 5:21 pm
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    A weak plot line. Dialogue is good in certain parts and stilted in others. There are also too many characters to keep track of. I had a hard time wrapping my imagination around the locations.

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    • Profile photo of handsomefatman
      October 13, 2012, 10:28 pm

      Thank you for the feedback! To help in my reworking of the script, I hope you’ll answer a question: you said dialogue is good in some parts and stilted in others. Can you give an example of each? It would really help me out. 8.5 bazillion thank yous in advance.

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  4. Profile photo of MrPickles
    MrPickles says
    September 12, 2012, 12:23 pm
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    The script was very hard to get through. Mainly due to the story structure, grammar, and lack of character development. I have no idea why the author felt the need to underline a quarter of the script (it was very distracting). Also, the constant use of exclamation points baffles me. I understood what the author was trying to due with the story and I appreciate the world he was trying to create, but it just didn’t keep me engaged at all. I found myself having to re read pages. This script needs a serious re write, focusing on better character development, especially the main characters. The meat of the story started really quick (which is normally a good thing), but without some emotional attachment to the characters, it just doesn’t work. Best of luck on the future drafts!

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    • Profile photo of handsomefatman
      September 18, 2012, 6:43 pm

      Hello, MrPickles, and thank you for your feedback.

      Going through I see I submitted with typos, which, to anyone else perusing these comments, is a valuable lesson: don’t proofread whilst under the effects of a doctor-prescribed sleep aid. Kicking myself for not making the appropriate proofreading time.

      Re: the underlining and exclamation points: a good point, and I’ve already made edits based on this feedback. I’m also going to re-examine characters and whatnot.

      Many thanks again for the feedback.

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