Back To The Island
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Rating: 2.9/5 (4 votes cast)

Back To The Island

Marooned on an uncharted Pacific Island, Tom and Al live with Islanders for two years. They also live with a haunting fear that they are considered Air Force deserters from Vietnam back in “the World”. Rescued y a passing Navy boat, is prison their future?

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  1. April 9, 2013, 4:27 pm
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    I agree with one of previous reviewers that this story might work better as a comedy. It isn’t clear what the motivation/goal is for the lead character nor any hook to entice the reader into the story. The descriptive text needs a lot more development and much of the dialogue is just not how people would talk in real life. Too much of the story is revealed through the dialogue rather than action, and consequently there’s little character development. I’m afraid it reads like a first draft and probably needs another 3-4 versions, taking on board feedback, to strengthen the story and character motivations.

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      tikiman says
      April 25, 2013, 2:08 pm

      Thank you for your comments. We are all a work in progress.

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    Mulejack says
    April 6, 2013, 3:37 pm
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    As the story enfolded it became obvious Tom and Al were cut out of a differnt type of cloth, but at every juuncture the writer was able to answer all the questions I was about to pose.
    It’s almost too clever how these two main characters are able to dodge every bullet headed their way. In some repsects the very rrich agains the average guy is in my opnion somewhat overcooked. While the people of Lenni are portrayed as lower class, showing them with broken teeth and shabbily clothed is uneccesary, in my humble opinion, but all in all, this is well crafted and well thought out. The good guys overcominc all obstacles. Good versus evil is not something we see nowadays on the big screen. Good luck wiith it.

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      tikiman says
      April 25, 2013, 2:10 pm

      Thank you for your observations. In this case, I have to find a way to distance myself from the Lenni people who were my neighbors growing up.

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  3. April 3, 2013, 6:07 am
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    This story in my opinion is begging to be more of a comedy/action film.

    These two men, Al and Tom are war heroes by incredible luck even to their dismay. They both feel they aren’t good enough for their partners. They are seen as being dumb, incompetent by others and many others see them for what they really are, two brave men with tremendous hearts.

    However, something tells me that you should make the tone of this story towards a Comedy/Action which will poke fun at these characters but at the same time acknowledge their hearts, in that they do mean well, as they make the decision to go back to the island to help the people.

    I could emphasize more on this if I’m not clear, but to leave the script as simply an action/adventure just won’t cut it, the way the characters are which, are almost like Forrest Gump like characters, though not as dumb as Forrest. Anyhow, unless you are trying to go for something of Forrest Gump effect, which is a drama, comedy, action, etc all in one film, be wary, this is extremely difficult and can be confusing.

    And grammar wise, this needs a lot of work.

    Anyhow, good luck with your aspirations!

    Ron

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    tikiman says
    March 14, 2013, 3:57 pm

    Thanks for the feedback. I’ll review it.

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  5. Profile photo of dejiannaalex
    March 12, 2013, 10:03 pm
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    Ok, so I got your concept in the first sentence, But you lost me somewhere in the end.

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