A Wounded Warrior’s Christmas
User Rating:
VN:RO [1.9.17_1161]
Overall
Story Potential
Hook
Rating: 2.9/5 (3 votes cast)

A Wounded Warrior’s Christmas

A troubled boy whose military parents are away during Christmas, gets help coping after he meets a veteran just back from Afghanistan.

    5 Comments

    Leave A Reply
    1. Profile photo of williamhproductions@gmail.com
      May 10, 2015, 8:47 pm
      Overall
      Story Potential
      Hook

      This can be a great up lifting story, just needs some more work

      VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
      Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
      Report user
    2. Profile photo of raydavenport
      January 8, 2015, 11:28 pm
      Overall
      Story Potential
      Hook

      Well I think it need a little more detail, I mean the logline is good but can be better at lease that’s my opinion. But it sounds like a good Christmas story family film for the military family.

      VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
      Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
      Report user
    3. toojazzy says
      December 24, 2014, 10:49 am

      Thanks SW63! Great suggestions on the log line, I will reword it for sure :-)

      I wanted it to be a Christmas theme….as a former military brat, then Jar-head Marine and Army wife…I know the challenges kids face with dad/mom away for the holidays. It’s a unique challenge for young kids and young wives. The troubled military guy is spending the Christmas alone because his wife recently left due to his repeated military deployments and his unwillingness to seek counseling for PTSD.

      Thanks!!!! I appreciate you taking the time to review it and offer suggestions

      VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
      Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
      Report user
    4. SW63 says
      December 24, 2014, 10:40 am

      Sorry, pressed submit too early;

      I think it could be a brilliant story if you up the stakes (Christmas just sounds a little lame):
      The veteran has to keep himself and the kid out of jail, or the vet is suicidal and the kid is being bullied,
      Or there’s a custody issue and both parents are deployed in the middle of the case…
      Or the vet has lost a limb and the kid has to deal with a parent who’s just been badly wounded.

      VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
      Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
      Report user
    5. SW63 says
      December 24, 2014, 10:34 am
      Overall
      Story Potential
      Hook

      All the logline elements are here, but I can’t get fired-up about the story.

      “tackle his own demons” is a clich√©. I would advise changing this to something a bit more specific.

      Does it have to be Christmas? Surely a “Coming of Age” or “Dealing with Death” motif would be more interesting.

      VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
      Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
      Report user

    Leave a Reply

    You must be logged in to post a comment.