A Warrior’s Odyssey
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Rating: 2.8/5 (12 votes cast)

A Warrior’s Odyssey

Fiona Fick, ex-marine, ex-homicide detective, now private investigator, fights numerous antagonists in a chaotically fun and engaging story that combines the action and adventure of the A-Team and Mission Impossible.

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  1. Profile photo of Robopoet
    Robopoet says
    February 12, 2016, 12:07 pm
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    Don’t use names. You’re comparing and describing but not telling the story. What is she after? What’s in her way?

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  2. toojazzy says
    November 29, 2014, 6:49 pm
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    Just a note, people who served in the Marines, are known as former Marines as opposed to exmarines. I have had my platoon sgt beat that into my head…

    It was a bit wordy……

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  3. April 15, 2013, 8:15 pm
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    Agree with Jay… too much telling… log line needs to show us what you want to tell us…

    Ron

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  4. hingylingy says
    April 1, 2013, 10:57 pm
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    I am rating your original log line which is posted at the top with the photo.

    First off, you are blending a pitch with a log line half way through your log line.

    So, a private eye fights a bunch of people and I am supposed to take your word that it is so, so fun…it’s the bomb, right?

    C’mon!

    Tell me why I should care about her fights? Does she do this for the common good, if she doesn’t fight her battles, who will get hurt? What is the prize?

    J

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  5. mzmalone81 says
    January 11, 2013, 6:30 pm
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    I think the potential is there for this script. Girls who kick ass rock!!!!

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  6. Profile photo of
    says
    December 28, 2012, 4:58 am
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    Logline gives much unnecessary detail (“Fiona Fick”) and uses technical terms which should belong there (“antagonists”, “story”, “action” as genre). The thing I dislike most is usage of “fun and engaging”. This is a promise and, in a logline, a necessarily unfounded one.

    Minor detail: You also might want to reconsider your choice of the protagonist’s surname: “Fick” is the German equivalent of the English term you get when you exchange “i” by “u”.

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  7. December 11, 2012, 1:45 pm
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    Your revised logline is better:
    “A tough a nails female Private investigator fights several battles to exact revenge against antagonists that injures or kills her employees.”

    It avoids the “Movie Cross” problem. However, “fights several battles” is expected, almost a given, and can go. “Antagonists” is writerspeak and can go, “injures or kills” is one choice too many, and “employees” is too vague.

    Not knowing the specifics, I would hope for:

    “A tough-as-nails private eye goes after the head of the crime syndicate that killed her favorite assistant.”

    or even farther out–

    “A tough-as-nails private eye goes after the head of the crime syndicate that killed her lesbian lover.”

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  8. October 20, 2012, 2:33 am
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    sounds awesome.

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  9. Profile photo of johnnymiller
    September 19, 2012, 5:47 pm

    Hopefully this version pleases: Fiona Fick, a tough as nails private investigator, fights a battle in Chihuahua Mexico to exact revenge against a rogue drug smuggling CIA Agent because he was responsible for her employee getting shot.

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    • October 20, 2012, 2:32 am

      Better, but how about: Fiona Fick, a tough as nails private investigator, fights a battle in Chihuahua Mexico to exact revenge against a rogue CIA Agent.

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  10. rickemg says
    September 18, 2012, 8:05 am
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    It’s wordy but everyone likes an female action flick. Angelina Jolie became one of them with Tome Raiders as an example. Shorten it and succinctly hone it down and you’ve got a good logline. Is there a script to yet Johnny?

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  11. Profile photo of normanwilliam
    September 18, 2012, 3:30 am
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    “A tough as nails female Private investigator fights several battles to exact revenge against antagonists that injures or kills her employees.”

    This still isn’t a logline. You can’t simply say several battles because it’s so broad it becomes confusing and antagonists need to be shown. Who is she? What is her goal? Who is trying to stop her? It needs to be tight and compelling. Not open ended that leaves you with a million questions. Good luck and post it again.

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  12. Profile photo of melroggins
    melroggins says
    September 17, 2012, 3:25 pm
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    Not a logline. Couple of sentences on the principal narrative/struggle of your protagonist.

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    • Profile photo of
      says
      September 17, 2012, 8:47 pm

      Thanks for the advice. You were right. So I will change it but before I do, I want you to read my corrected version of the logline.

      "A tough a nails female Private investigator fights several battles to exact revenge against antagonists that injures or kills her employees."

      This answers the three logline questions. One, the main character and what she wants to do. Two, who is standing in her way and three, she's revengeful when you mess with her employees. They're like her children.   

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